


Sun, Sea, Sand... and Suspension

by theoofoof



Series: Of Scotch & Wine (SVU/Barson Missing Scenes/Post Eps) [5]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Post-ep 18x15: Know it All, Vacation, post-ep
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2019-10-05 14:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17326997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoofoof/pseuds/theoofoof
Summary: Post 18x15: Know it All.A throwaway comment leads to Rafael spending his suspension in a way he never expected… on vacation with Olivia.





	1. Chapter 1

“You need to speak,” Olivia told him firmly as she approached him in Forlini’s. “Now.”

He looked up from the legal pad he was scribbling on. “About?”

“About what you did. How Willard got to you.” She took a breath. “Ashtonja Abreu.”

“You talked to her?” he asked, finishing his sentence with a flourish.

“Yeah, and Willard talked to her too. He seems to think that you're paying her for sex.” She didn’t believe it, she wouldn’t, but she still needed to know exactly what was going on.

He packed up his papers and picked up his drink. “I know. He told me.”

“He told you? Right before you called off getting me those warrants?” It was a rhetorical question - you didn’t need to be a trained detective to work it out – but he replied, nonetheless.

“Yes,” he admitted through gritted teeth. “Come here.” He moved to a small booth, wanting to have a little more privacy for this conversation.

Olivia sighed, but followed him, sliding into the bench opposite him.

Once they were seated, he told her the whole story. “Of course, Willard got it wrong. I knew Ashtonja's mother, Marianna. She was a heroin addict. And she was a witness in a case against a guy who raped and killed two women. She was the only witness.” He paused, gathering his thoughts. “On the day of the trial, she showed up so strung out she could barely talk. The judge wouldn't give me a recess. Marianna asked for a loan…”

“And you gave it to her.”

“Yes.”

“Knowing that she would buy heroin.”

“Yes.”

“And?”

He swallowed thickly. “She bought what she bought, and she did what she did, and she got on the stand and she buried the guy. She sent a really bad man to prison for the rest of his life…” His eyes were shining with unshed tears now, the emotion almost becoming too much for him as he remembered the events of that fateful day seven years ago. “…and she died of an overdose, eight hours later, leaving behind her ten-year-old daughter.”

The pieces suddenly clicked into place for Olivia. “Who you've been giving money to ever since.”

He took a sip of his scotch and water. “She lives with her grandmother. They're broke. I help out.” He gave a small shrug. What was a couple of hundred bucks a month when the girl had lost her mother? “Willard must have hacked my bank account, tracked down Ashtonja.” It would fit with his pattern.

“Why didn't you tell me this?”

“I didn't want to compromise your case. You might've been accused of having a vendetta against Willard.” It had never been about trust, as she’d assumed. He’d wanted to protect her. And Ashtonja.

“I can still be accused of that.”

“I also wanted to talk to Ashtonja first. If this… if this goes public, she's right in the middle.” Ashtonja was old enough now that she knew the truth of what happened that day – and had forgiven him for the part he had played – but he didn’t want to see her story plastered all over the front page of the _Ledger_ for the whole city to see.

“How bad is this going to be for you?” she asked, concern lacing her words. Jack McCoy did not take kindly to his ADAs being embroiled in scandal. He thought it was unbecoming.

“Uh, it depends on the District Attorney. I told him everything. We might've seen our last case together,” he told her with that half-smile he only ever used with her.

The thought that this could be the end of their professional relationship caused Olivia’s gut to twist with dread. She shook her head. It couldn’t come to that. She had to fix this, or at least try. He wasn’t just her ADA, he was her friend. Her best friend. “Is there anything that I can do?”

Rafael fixed her with a steely gaze. “What you always do. Go after the son of a bitch.”

Olivia nodded, returning his look of determination. “Oh, I intend to.”

* * *

Olivia was as good as her word and several days later she and Rafael watched from the gallery as Willard was arraigned.

“Word is,” Rafael began, as they headed away from the court. “Willard's attorney is already scrambling to make a deal.”

“Look, unless he pleads to murder, I say try the case.” In her mind, there was nothing to be gained from making a deal. They had hard evidence – a video of the murder, and testimony from several people he tried to blackmail – a jury would have to convict.

“Me too,” he agreed, “but I have no input. I'm off the case.”

She placed a comforting hand between his shoulder blades for a brief moment. “I'm so sorry about all of this, Rafael.” She rarely used his first name, maybe a total of three or four times during the entirety the time they’d known each other.

“What I did was wrong, but the truth is I'd do it again.” They slowed down, stopping outside Hogan Place. “Not everything done in the dark is shameful.”

“So now what?”

“I have a meeting with the DA in five minutes. He'll tell me what happens next.” He moved to step away but turned back. “You know, I love this job. Oh, I really do, but sometimes…” he shook his head.

“Oh, I know.”

She watched as he climbed the few steps outside the building – her eyes fixed on his retreating form. When he reached the top and was half-way to the entrance, he turned to face her once more. She instinctively lay her gloved hand over her heart, pledging allegiance to him, to them. No matter what happened when he walked through those doors, she would be there for him.

She walked the rest of the way back to the precinct in something of a daze and spent the rest of the afternoon checking her phone for any news from Rafael. When, at five o’clock, she glanced at her phone and there were still no texts or missed calls she decided to reach out to him. She opened her recent calls list and located his name – three down from the top - and dialled.

It rang out for a few moments before a cheerful familiar voice answered, “Hi Momma!”

“Noah? Why are you answering Uncle Rafa’s phone?” she asked over her son’s giggles.

“He told me to,” her son replied as if the answer should be obvious.

“Where is Uncle Rafa, sweet boy? Can I talk to him?” The thought that Rafael was at her apartment rather than at work made her blood run cold. Had he been fired?

“He’s in the kitchen,” Noah said, and Olivia could hear movement on the other end of the line as he transported the phone. “Uncle Rafa, Momma wants you.”

There were a few moments of rustling in the background and what sounded like the clinking of dishes before she heard Rafael’s voice on the line. “Hi.”

“You’re not at work.”

“No.”

“Oh Rafa,” she gasped, immediately assuming the worst. “I’m sorry.”

Knowing her as well as he did, Rafael knew where her thoughts had gone and felt bad for inadvertently misleading her.

“Liv, it’s okay. It’s not as bad as all that. Well, it’s not great but it could have been worse.”

“So, you weren’t fired?”

“No, but…” He didn’t want to break the news of his suspension over the phone, which is why he’d gone straight to her apartment. “Look, tonight’s spaghetti night, right, and there’s a pot of delicious meat sauce simmering on your stove. So, how about you come home, we’ll have dinner and then, once Noah’s in bed, we can talk?”

“Okay.” She glanced at her watch. “I’ll be home in twenty minutes.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “And Liv, you don’t need to worry. I promise.”

* * *

The traffic in Manhattan was unpredictable and it actually took Olivia over half an hour to get home. “Sorry!” she called out as she entered the apartment and stripped off her coat. “Traffic was hell.”

“It’s okay, but dinner’s almost ready if you want to freshen up.” Rafael stepped out of the kitchen, oven-mitt in hand and Olivia couldn’t help but smile as she took in his relaxed demeanour. He’d changed since his meeting and was now clad in jeans and dark red sweater. But it was the floral apron he was wearing that caused her smile to widen.

“Don’t you look…” She looked him up and down once more as she searched for the right word before smirking as she settled on, “…domestic.”

“Just call me Martha Stewart,” he deadpanned, stretching out his arms and turning around in a circle.

She giggled and then glanced around. “Where’s Noah?”

“I sent him to wash up for dinner when I heard your key in the door.”

As if on cue, the little boy came running down the hallway. “Momma!” He rushed up to her and held his arms out, asking to be picked up.

She lifted him with practised ease and he nuzzled into her neck as she cuddled him. “Have you had fun with Uncle Rafa?”

The boy nodded. “We played Legos and watched Trolls.”

Olivia eyed Rafael suspiciously. “Just how long have you been here?”

He shrugged. “A few hours. I kept him occupied for a bit while Lucy finished the dinner prep and then I said she could go if she needed to. You said she had a big assignment coming up, and I wasn’t doing anything, so I thought she could better use the time to go to the library or read.”

“I’m sure she appreciated that but remind me to speak to her about leaving my son alone with strange men,” Olivia teased.

“Uncle Rafa’s strange!” Noah parroted, giggling at the outraged look on his uncle’s face.

“Hey! Watch it _amigo_ , or no garlic bread for you.” He reached for Noah, who went willingly, and settled him on his hip.

_Oh, what a difference two years makes,_ thought Olivia, remembering how terrified he’d been the first time she’d asked him to hold her son.

“Go get changed and wash up for dinner,” he told her. “I’ll get this one settled at the table.”

She nodded, running her arm over his shoulders as she passed him and headed down the hall. As she stepped into her room, the sounds of laughter reached her from the kitchen and she smiled again. Despite Rafael’s assurances, she was worried about what had transpired between him and McCoy that afternoon. She just hoped his happy, relaxed state wasn’t just a show for Noah’s benefit.

* * *

“So, have we seen our last case together?”

He was sat at the breakfast bar nursing a glass of scotch when she returned from tucking Noah in, so she just decided to get straight to it as she rounded the corner and approached him.

He slid a glass of Cabernet across to her. “No. But, I’m afraid you’ll have to put up with another ADA for a little while.” He lifted his head, forcing himself to meet her questioning gaze. “A reprimand on my file and a suspension. Four weeks. Without pay.”

Olivia’s shoulders sagged with relief. While him being suspended without pay and her having to break in a temporary ADA were not ideal, it was nowhere near as catastrophic as it could have been. Rafael still had a job. They would still be working together.

She leaned back against the bar, facing him. “How do you feel about that?” It was one thing for her to be relieved, but it was his professional reputation – and income – that would be most affected by this.

“Well, it’s not great,” he admitted, taking a sip of his scotch. “But it’s better than it could have been. Hell, I’ve not taken any vacation time for over a year, so maybe it’ll be good for me to get some R&R.”

“You’ve never struck me as the type to enjoy doing nothing,” she remarked.

“I’m not really.” In truth, he was dreading it. He’d be climbing the walls within the first week. But he gave Olivia a small shrug; it wasn’t like he had much choice in the matter. “Don’t suppose you fancy taking some time off to keep me company?”

The words were said with a hint of humour but there was something in his gaze – a mix of thinly-veiled hope and anticipation – that told Olivia he wasn’t entirely joking. And she found herself anticipating too. She could use a break and there was no-one she’d rather spend the time with.

“I don’t think I have four weeks of vacation time to take, but I can maybe manage one.”

Noah was currently halfway through his mid-winter break from pre-school, but Olivia didn’t think it would hurt him too much if he missed another one.

“I…” He was about to ask her if she was sure, but she pre-empted him and raised an eyebrow, almost daring him to back-peddle and see what happened. He may have made some questionable decisions in his life, but this would not be one of them. Instead, he smiled – beamed – at her. “Okay. So, do you want to go away or have a… what is it called these days… a _stay-cation_?” He screwed up his face in disgust.

Olivia laughed at his obvious contempt for the dereliction of the English language. “Given the fact that you can barely stand to say the word, I think we should avoid a _staycation_.”

“Okay, so we’ll get out of the city for a bit? Maybe even out of the country?”

“Getting away would be good,” she agreed. “If that’s okay with you? With your… suspension and everything.” She didn’t want to pry into his finances, but she knew the ballpark figure of an ADA’s salary and she had an idea what his rent would be on his Park Avenue condo.

“Don’t worry, Liv. Four weeks without pay, while not ideal, won’t put me in the poor-house.”

“Could we… Would you mind if we stayed in the States though? Noah’s one and only experience on a long-haul flight wasn’t exactly a picnic.”

He’d been cranky the whole way to Paris and hadn’t coped well at all with the jetlag once they were there. She didn’t want to go into too much detail with Rafael; he hadn’t exactly approved of her relationship with Tucker.

“Stateside it is then.” He downed his scotch and returned the glass to the counter, as Olivia tried – unsuccessfully – to stifle a yawn.

“Sorry. It’s been a long day.” It had been a long few days actually, but at least now she had the promise of a vacation with her son and her best friend to look forward to.

“I should get going,” he declared, sliding from the stool and crossing the living room to retrieve his coat from the stand near the door. He pulled his scarf from his pocket and wrapped it around his neck, before slipping the black, woollen coat on.

“I’ll start looking at resorts,” he said, turning towards the door. “Let me know when you’ve confirmed your dates.”

“Rafael.”

He turned back.

She closed the gap between them and laid a hand in the centre of his chest. “Thank you.”

Rafael shook his head, a soft smile on his face. “No, Liv.” He lifted his hand to cover hers for a second. “Thank _you_.”


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Rafael sat at his dining room table, in front of his laptop, researching possible Vacations. His phone vibrated on the table. He picked it up and saw a text from Olivia.

_All booked!_  
 _March 4 – 14_  
 _So,_ where’re _we going?_

Well, that was the question, wasn’t it? Rafael had spent the past hour trying to decide on just that. He had loads of places he’d like to take Olivia on vacation – not that he let his mind wander to that fantasy often – but none of them were particularly child-friendly.

His first thought had been Walt Disney World; any child would love that, right? But it wasn’t something he thought he would particularly enjoy. Crowds full of hyperactive children, long queues and thrill-seeking rides wasn’t really his thing. Plus, Noah was probably a little young to appreciate it properly. Maybe in a couple of years, if the boy really wanted to go, they could take him.

He shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. He and Liv weren’t even in a relationship. They were just two friends taking a trip together. He could barely believe she’d agreed – he certainly hadn’t expected her to when he’d jokingly thrown the idea out there. But she had. With very little hesitation. He’d spent last night in a daze when he got home, wondering if he’d dreamt it. But a text from her earlier, checking that the offer was still open, assured him that he hadn’t.

He picked up his phone and typed out a quick reply to her latest message.

_Great. Not 100% sure on destinations_   
_yet, but I’m working on it._

A few seconds later, her response came.

_Okay, well let me know._

Opening Google, Rafael typed in ‘Child-friendly Vacations’. The first result was a sponsored article about Disney World, so he skipped that. The next was entitled  _‘America’s 20 Most Kid-Friendly Places For A Family Vacation (Plus Top Attractions They’ll Love)’._

His scrolled through the results. Some of the ideas had promise. He noted down the ones he thought would be best for them, then turned his research to flights, hotels and local amenities.

By eleven o’clock, Rafael had two fully fleshed out ideas and was ready to pitch them to Olivia. He texted her to let her know he’d made some headway, and, after a brief exchange of messages, they arranged to meet at Forlini’s for lunch to go over their options.

He arrived before her and after a quick stop at the bar, secured them a booth, only realising once he was sat down that it was the same booth they’d sat in less than a week ago as he confessed one of his deepest, darkest secrets.

While awaiting McCoy’s decision, he’d convinced himself that this would be the end of his career, that he’d no longer be working with her. The thought of losing that professional connection had saddened him, and he’d hoped beyond hope that their relationship would survive; that they’d continue to be friends. He’d always wondered if, maybe, somewhere along the line, they’d be more than that.

“Hey.” Olivia’s hand on his shoulder drew him back to the present.

He turned and looked up at her. She was windswept, with rain droplets staining her coat.

“Sorry I’m late.” She pushed her hair out of her face. “Dodds popped in unannounced.”

He waved her off and indicated that she should sit. “It’s fine, I know how it is.”

She stripped off her coat and folded it, placing it on the bench before sliding in after it. “Have you ordered?”

“About ten minutes ago. Anthony said it shouldn’t be too long.”

She’d texted him with what she wanted in order to save time, but he could have guessed what she’d have. It was the same thing she always had when they ate here; a club sandwich. He always asked her if she wanted fries and she always said no. It never stopped her for stealing some of his, though.

He poured her a glass of water and pushed it towards her.

“Thanks.”

“So, what did Dodds want?”

“Oh, just the usual departmental nonsense.” She didn’t want to discuss her brief meeting with the chief. He’d said some unpleasant things about Rafael’s conduct and she’d had to bite her tongue to avoid insubordination. What she did want to talk about was their upcoming trip. She was excited to see where Rafael had chosen for their vacation. “Have you picked a destination for us?”

“Well, I’ve narrowed it down to two,” he explained, as Anthony brought them their meals. “But I thought we should make the final decision together.”

Olivia nodded as she removed the cocktail stick that held her sandwich together. They were quiet for a few moments, as they gathered their cutlery and began eating. After sating their initial hunger, Olivia asked again about their trip.

“So, let’s hear it then.”

He looked up from his plate. “As I said, there are two options.” He waved his fork as he spoke. “And all I ask is that you hear me out on both of them before you decide, okay?”

“Okay.” She drew out the vowels, a hint of suspicion in her tone. She reached towards his plate for a fry.

He raised an eyebrow at her – as he did every time – and she ignored him.

“Option 1,” he began. “Chicago. The museum there has a dinosaur exhibit that I’m sure Noah would enjoy. The internet tells me that one of them even appears in a children’s book.”

“The Field Mouse and the Dinosaur Named Sue,” Olivia supplied. “I know it.”

“Does Noah have it?” Rafael had read the boy some bedtime stories in his role as an honorary uncle but didn’t recall seeing it on his bookshelf.

“No, but I could get him a copy if we decide to go there. Tell me more.”

He lifted the legal pad he’d jotted his notes in off the bench and placed it on the table. Finding the marked page to refresh his memory, he began. “It’s a two-and-a-half-hour flight and there’s a couple of feasible options for places to stay. I thought rental might be easier, with Noah…” he explained, turning the pad towards her, pointing at various notes he’d made and pulling out print-outs of vacation rentals as he spoke. He presented the details as he would in court. Clearly. Confidently. Clinically.

“And the other option?” she asked when he seemed to have exhausted his research on the first.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like the sound of Chicago; from Rafael’s research it sounded great and Noah would definitely love to see the SUE the t-Rex, but the weather there wasn’t that different to New York at this time of year and she’d been hoping for somewhere a little warmer.

“Remember you agreed to hear me out.” At her nod, he continued. “We fly to the west coast, stay somewhere within driving distance of San Diego, take Noah to the zoo.”

Olivia worried her bottom lip with her teeth. “I don’t know, Rafa. I told you Noah didn’t cope well the last time we flew for any length of time.”

“Paris.” She hadn’t specified – which he could understand, given the tension her relationship with Tucker had caused – but it had to be; it was the only holiday she’d taken with the boy.

“Yes.”

“What happened?” He hadn’t asked too many questions about her holiday, just a couple of brief enquiries before she left about when and how long she’d be gone and then one when she returned as to whether she’d had a nice time.  He hadn’t wanted to hear her gush over Tucker. He didn’t particularly want to talk about it now either, but if he was going to sell her on his first-choice destination, they were going to have to.

“It was hell, Rafa. He was cranky all the way there. He cried for two hours straight and well, let’s just say the looks I got from the other passengers – and Ed – weren’t very sympathetic. They just-”

Rafael listened carefully, wanting to understand Olivia’s concerns so he could address them properly, rather than just dismissing them with hollow reassurances. But upon hearing Tucker’s reaction to Noah, he almost choked on his pasta.

Swallowing, he asked with wide eyes. “Tucker didn’t help out?”

“Sorry?”

“On the plane. With Noah.”

“I… uh, no.” She toyed with the rim of her glass as she spoke. “Ed… well, he tried with Noah, but… I don’t know really, Noah didn’t really take to him. I mean, he was polite enough-“

“You’d have it no other way,” Rafael commented. Olivia was big on teaching her son manners and courtesy.

She smiled. “Anyway, Noah didn’t like Ed enough to be appeased by him on a long plane ride.” She lifted her glass to her lip and took a sip. “It was part of the reason we broke up. I couldn’t have a relationship with a man who Noah didn’t like.”

“Well, he likes me.” It was only after the words had left his mouth and hung in the air between them that Rafael realised how they sounded. He cleared his throat. “I mean, he seems to like me enough that he’d cope with flying with me for a few hours.”

“I’m sure he would. My son is the founder and president of the Rafael Barba fan-club. No-one could ever come close to the great ‘Uncle Rafa’.”

He lifted his glass to his lips and took a drink in an attempt to cover the blush her words brought to his cheeks. Did Noah really think of him like that?

“Sometimes I even wonder if he prefers you over me.” Olivia continued as if reading his thoughts.

Rafael’s eyes softened. “Never. But if the flight is your only concern, I don’t think it will be a problem.”

“It wasn’t just the flight, he didn’t cope well with the time difference either. It didn’t exactly make for a restful trip. It’s just wasn’t an experience I’d like to repeat.”

“Well, San Diego is in the other direction. Any repercussions from the time difference won’t hit until we get home, by which time you’ll be back at work and Lucy can deal with Mr Cranky Pants.”

She laughed. “Lucy’s a good nanny, she doesn’t deserve that.”

Rafael shrugged. “So, we bring her a present.”

“She’ll need more than a novelty fridge magnet as compensation for dealing with a jetlagged Noah.”

“She’ll have had a week of paid leave and be fully rested to deal with him.”

“Where exactly where you thinking we’d stay?”

“There’s a few places.” He ran his finger down his list as he told her about them – more than he’d had for Chicago and began telling her about them.

“…but the one I think we should go for is Newport Beach, which is about a two-hour drive from San Diego.” He retrieved his iPad, opened it and handed it to her. “Take a look”

Olivia glanced down at the screen and found herself looking at a gorgeous three-storey beach house.

“It’s practically on the beach,” Rafael told her, as she scrolled through the other photos of the house. “And a quiet part of it at that. There’s a playground less than two blocks away and it’s pretty close to the piers and a small fairground.”

“It’s beautiful,” Olivia said wistfully, imagining sitting out on the ocean-facing balcony, watching the sunset. “And it’s available?”

“I checked the dates with the owners. They’re just waiting for an email to confirm. It’s fully equipped, there’s a laundry room, tv, Blu-ray player, and free wi-fi. And there are four bedrooms so you won’t have to share.” He fought another blush as she rose an eyebrow at his words. What was wrong with him today? “With Noah, I mean. There’ll be plenty of space.”

As Rafael continued listing the great things about Newport Beach, Olivia noticed that this was less like he was presenting evidence in court. His eyes were lighting up as he talked about the things the three of them could do or the places they could go. It was clear that this was his preferred destination. She had no doubt that he would gladly accept it if she told him she would rather go to Chicago, but she knew, deep down, that he would be disappointed. Newport Beach would have been the destination he’d have chosen if she had asked him to surprise her.

“So, what do you think?” Rafael asked after finishing his sales pitch.

She had wanted to go somewhere warm, and Noah’s needs would be well catered for; he’d love the elephants at the zoo, and – if her geography was up to scratch – the house wasn’t that far from Disneyland either. He was a bit older than the last time they’d flown, maybe he’d wear it better. Plus, she knew Rafael would help occupy him.

“Well, Noah does like elephants.”

His face broke out into a grin. “Newport Beach then?”

Olivia nodded and handed him back his iPad with a warm smile. “Let’s book it.”


	3. Chapter 3

A soft knock on Olivia’s front door signalled Rafael’s arrival and Noah raced to the door, flinging it open.

“Hi, Uncle Rafa! Is it time to go for the plane now?” he asked, vibrating with excitement.

Rafael looked at his watch as he stepped over the threshold, dragging his luggage behind him. “Not quite yet, _amigo_.” He was early, having left plenty of time to get across the city and Olivia was still in her pyjamas, preparing snacks for the trip. He deposited his bags next to the two already by the door and joined her in the kitchen as Noah went back to watching _Paw_ _Patrol_. “Hi.”

“Hi. He’s been bouncing off the walls since he woke up…”

Rafael chuckled at the thought of Noah driving Olivia mad with his excitement, but quietened when she threw him a sideways glance, clipping a Tupperware lid in place, and added “…at five-thirty.”

When she’d told the four-year-old they were going on vacation he’d been a little nonplussed, not really having enjoyed their trip to Paris, but when he found out Uncle Rafa was going with them he’d perked up. He hadn’t been able to stop talking about it since, making Olivia glad she’d left it until the day before to tell him.

This morning, he’d bounded into her room and launched himself onto her bed, declaring at the top of his voice that it was ‘vacation day’.

Hearing of her early morning, Rafael winced. “And it’s still another few hours until take off.”

They were flying at eleven. They’d hoped to get an earlier flight, Olivia figuring it would be better for Noah, but with them booking on such short notice it just hadn’t been an option that had been available to them.

“Yeah. Welcome to parenthood.”

When Rafael didn’t respond, Olivia realised how her words could be misinterpreted and she backtracked. “I didn’t… I just mean that’s what it’s like having a four-year-old around, y’know?” She fixed her gaze on the counter and busied herself with the snack making, hoping the embarrassment she felt wasn’t reflected in her face.

She was so engrossed in what she was doing that the feel of Rafael’s hand on her back made her jump.

“It’s alright, Liv. I know what you meant.” He looked around the kitchen. “Is there anything I can do?”

She pushed a small stack of plastic containers towards him. “Can you put those in my carry-on? It’s by the door.”

Rafael picked up the tubs and carried them into the hallway. Two suitcases stood by the door; Olivia’s with a pull-handle and Noah’s ride on Trunki, and two carry-on bags. After packing away the snacks, he looked at Noah’s Paw Patrol backpack, Eddie the Elephant poking his head out of the top. “Looks like we have a stowaway,” he remarked.

“What’s a stow-way?” Noah asked

“Stow-a-way.” Rafael modelled the correct pronunciation before explaining, “It’s someone who’s sneaking on board. Someone who doesn’t have a ticket.”

“Eddie doesn’t have a ticket?” Noah asked, eyes wide. “But Momma said he could come!” The boy’s bottom lip wobbled, and Rafael panicked. He hadn’t meant to upset the boy.

“He can, he can,” Rafael assured. He was trying to find a way to rectify the situation when his eyes fell on Noah’s craft box. He pulled it out from under the coffee table and handed it to Noah. “You just need to make him a ticket, that’s all.”

Noah looked unconvinced, looking from Rafael to Eddie to the craft box.

“Come on,” Rafael urged, kneeling down, opening the box and pulling out some card and markers. “I’ll help you while your mom gets ready.”

“Just don’t make too much mess,” Olivia instructed as she left the kitchen for her bedroom. “We’ve not got time to do a big tidy up,”

* * *

When Olivia returned, dressed and ready to go, Noah and Rafael were putting the final marker pen back in the box. Noah pushed himself up from the floor and rushed over to her, waving a blue piece of card.

“Look, Momma, look, Eddie’s got a ticket now!”

Olivia picked up her sweater from the sofa, pulling it over her head as she looked down at her son’s creation. It had Eddie’s name on (Eddie T. Elephant), plus the flight numbers and airport codes printed by Rafael. In the bottom right-hand corner, Noah had drawn an elephant and in the opposite top corner an aeroplane.

“Wow, it looks great, Noah. Do you want Uncle Rafa to put it with ours? To keep it safe?”

Noah nodded and handed it to Rafael, who slid it into the front pocket of his carry-on while Olivia wrangled her son into his coat and hat.

“You said we were going somewhere hot,” he protested.

“We are but it’s still cold here,” she reminded as she zipped him up.

Rafael made quick work of his coat and held Olivia’s out for her to step in to. Once they were all bundled up against the New York weather, Olivia and Rafael began gathering their belongings.

“Got everything?” Rafael asked, helping Noah on with his backpack.

“Well, you’ve got the tickets.” She patted her pockets. “I’ve got my phone and keys-”

“And I’ve got Eddie!” Noah interjected, craning his neck to try and look at his bag over his shoulder.

“And we’ve got Eddie.” She nodded. “I think we’re good.”

Olivia locked up her apartment and the three waited for the elevator. “I notice you didn’t check if I’ve got everything?” he teased, as the elevator doors slid open.

“You are the most prepared person I know, Rafael. Besides, the size of your suitcase, I assumed you’d brought everything including the kitchen sink. I thought it was women who were supposed to pack more than they needed.”

“And I thought you’d baulk at stereotypes like that,” he shot back with a smirk.

“Nevertheless, what have you got in that thing? It’s huge.”

“Like Daddy Bear’s,” Noah commented.

“Pardon, sweet boy?”

“Mine’s small because I’m Baby Bear. Yours is middle sized cos you’re Momma Bear.” He pointed to indicate the size differences of their suitcases. “And Uncle Rafa’s is the biggest because he’s Daddy Bear.

“They read that story at pre-school last week,” Olivia explained, not fully able to meet Rafael’s eye.

“Shows he’s been listening to his teachers,” Rafael replied, trying not to let himself get too drawn into the fantasy that was created by Noah’s words.

Up until a few years ago, he’d never wanted the family life; house, kids, a dog; he was too focused on forging a successful career. But ever since Olivia adopted Noah, he’d found himself wondering what it would be like to be a part of something like that.

He supposed there was nothing to stop him going out and getting that, if he really wanted it. The problem was he only wanted it with them. Olivia and Noah. He could only ever visualise himself in the role of husband and father if they were the other players in the scenario. It was soon after he came to this conclusion that he realised he was in love with her.

But she wasn’t interested in him. And would probably never be interested. He wasn’t her type. You only had to look at her recent romantic history. Tucker. Cassidy. Hot-headed, course, uncultured _blokes_. Even her old partner, who she’d admitted – after one too many glasses of Cabernet – to having an attraction to. They were all the complete antithesis of him.

“Rafael?”

He blinked to find that the elevator doors open and Noah, having already alighted, staring at him. Olivia had been halfway out when she’d turned, realising he wasn’t following them.

He reached for his case and stepped out after them. “Sorry. I was in a world of my own then.”

Olivia tilted her head and appraised him. “Everything okay?”

“Fine. Just mentally checking I had everything.”

“And?”

He pulled the door to the sidewalk open and held it for her and Noah. “All present and correct,” he replied, patting the top of his suitcase. “Even the kitchen sink.”

* * *

When they arrived at Newark, Noah handed Eddie’s ticket to the assistant on the check-in desk with a proud. “It’s for Eddie.” And he turned around to show her the elephant who was still poking out of his backpack.

“Thank you,” she said with a smile and played along, ‘scanning’ Eddie’s ticket alongside the others.

When they reached security, Noah had been reluctant to hand over his bag, knowing that Eddie would have to go through the x-ray machine, but the TSA agent was kind enough to let the boy see the image taken of his bag to appease him. They’d grabbed some drinks from a barista stand and moved to their gate.

While waiting to board, Olivia took Noah to look out of the large windows which overlooked the runway, to give Rafael the opportunity to drink his coffee in peace. As much as this vacation had been his idea, he wasn’t used to having a young child around full time and Noah had chattered to him non-stop in their Uber. She didn’t want to crowd him, have him regret asking them to join him so she was trying to give him some space. She pointed out their plane, and Noah watched, wide-eyed, as planes further out took off and landed and he pressed Eddie against the glass, so he could get a good look too. Bent down, looking out of the window and sipping her latte, she didn’t notice Rafael approach until he knelt down on the other side of her son and Noah addressed him.

“Look, Uncle Rafa,” Noah pointed. “That’s our plane.”

Olivia turned. “I thought you were drinking your coffee.”

“I was, but it’s possible to drink coffee and look at the planes at the same time.” He waved a hand at her; she was proving his point.

“I just wanted to give you break. He can be a bit full-on at times.”

Rafael shook his head. “It’s fine. If I want a break, I’ll let you know.” They returned her attention to Noah, as he looked at the different patterns and colours on the tails of the aircraft. “Do you-” Rafael began a few moments later but was cut off by the announcement that their flight was boarding.

When they were seated, Noah between them, watching _Moana_ on his iPad, Olivia asked him what he had been going to say by the window.

“Oh, I was just going to ask if you ever get a break from Mom-duty?”

“I have Lucy.”

“Yes, the nanny you hired so you can go back to your high-stress job, I remember. When was the last time that you got to do something for you, Liv? Read a book? Go to the movies?”

“I chose to be a single parent, Rafa. I chose this life. I can’t bemoan the fact that my life is taken up by that.”

“No, but ‘single parent’ doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. There’s a lot of people who’d help out, me included.”

Olivia averted her gaze, and Rafael, not wanting her to feel uncomfortable lightened the tone of the conversation.

“Y’know, now that he’s out of diapers and can hold a conversation.”

Olivia smiled at that, remembering again how awkward his first couple of encounters with Noah had been. But he was selling himself short because, by the end of Noah’s adoption party, the roots of the close relationship between the two of them had already taken a firm hold.

“I will try and remember that,” she told him with a smile, before turning her attention to the safety briefing which was about to begin.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flight continues...

About two hours into the flight, Olivia had dozed off and Noah had tired of the iPad. The four-year-old was currently asking Rafael a plethora of questions about flying and the airplane that he was struggling to answer. The latest being;

“How fast can this plane go?”

“Uh, that’s a good question.” He didn’t have a clue. He knew he could make something up – it’s not like Noah would know any different, but he didn’t want to lie to him. “I…”

It just so happened that a member of the cabin crew was passing by and overheard their conversation. She smiled and took pity on Rafael.

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. It sounds like your son is very interested in air travel.”

“Oh, he’s-”

“Do you know how fast this plane can fly?” Noah interrupted.

“I do. It travels at a speed of anywhere between 500 and 600 miles an hour.”

Noah gasped at the big numbers, despite not really having an understanding of the scale of that speed. The flight attendant, whose name tag read, ‘Rochelle’, pressed a few buttons on the screen in front of Noah’s seat. “If you switch to this screen here, you can see the flight path and the speed and altitude at which we’re flying.”

Noah furrowed his brow. “What’s altitude?”

“How high up we are,” Rafael answered.

“That’s right.” She pointed to the altitude. “We are currently flying at 32,000 feet.”

Noah’s eyes widened even more, which Rafael hadn’t thought possible.

“I have to go now,” Rochelle said, “But if you have any more questions, I’ll be happy to answer them later on.”

If Noah did have more questions, he didn’t bother Rafael with them. Instead, he switched between watching the flight path on the screen and colouring for the next twenty minutes until Rochelle reappeared.

She bent down next to Rafael and put a hand on his arm. “I’ve spoken to the pilot and he’s happy for you and your son to go up and see the cockpit if you think he’d like that?”

“I think he’d love that. Thank you.”

“No problem. Do you want to go now, or wait until your wife wakes up?”

Choosing not to correct her, Rafael looked over at Olivia’s sleeping form. It was the most relaxed he’d seen her in weeks. “Let her sleep,” he decided. She needed it after her early morning. He tapped Noah on the shoulder. “Come on, amigo, Rochelle has arranged a surprise for you.”

They were halfway down the aisle when Noah stopped suddenly. “I forgot Eddie!” he exclaimed, running back to his seat for him. With the elephant safely in hand, he returned to Rafael and they continued their walk to the front of the plane.

“Where are we going?”

As they approached the cockpit door, Rafael knelt down and addressed Noah. “Rochelle has spoken to the pilot and he has agreed to let you see inside the cockpit.”

“Where all the controls for the airplane are?” Noah asked.

Rafael nodded. “You must promise not to touch anything though, okay?”

“Okay.”

Noah watched as the door opened to reveal the Captain in full uniform. He greeted Noah with a salute, and the boy returned it as best he could.

“You must be Noah,” the man, who looked to be in his fifties, said.

Noah just nodded, eyes wide with awe.

“I’m Brett. I’m the captain. Rochelle here tells me you’ve been asking lots of questions about the plane. Would you like to come in a take a look?”

Noah swallowed, looking up at the tall man. “Really?”

“Sure, come on in.”

Brett stepped to the side and allowed Noah and Rafael, who had thought it prudent to take out his phone to get as many photos for Olivia as possible, to enter. Noah turned his head every which way, trying to look at all the controls at once; the levers, the buttons, the dials. His hand twitched, aching to reach out and touch them, but he knew he couldn’t and was conscious of all the adults’ eyes on him.

The co-pilot gave him a smile. “Hey, kid.”

“This is Nick, he’s my co-pilot,” Brett said, entering behind Noah and Rafael.

Noah, slightly overwhelmed, lifted his hand in a slight wave. “Hi.”

Nick turned his attention back to controlling the plane while Brett reached over and spun the pilot’s chair around. “Why don’t you take a seat, Noah?”

With a little nudge from Rafael, Noah hopped up into the seat. His shyness soon dissipated, and he quickly began showering the pilots with questions, Rafael clicking away with his camera. When Brett let him wear his hat, Noah beamed.

“Shall I take a photo of the two of you?” Rochelle asked.

Rafael handed over his phone and moved next to Noah, posing for a few pictures before the co-pilot announced they were about to fly into some bad air, so Rafael and Noah should probably get back to their seats.

* * *

Olivia stirred as Rafael was securing Noah’s seatbelt. Stretching slightly, she rolled her head towards them.

“Bathroom?” she asked, assuming her son had needed to use the facilities. “You should have woken me, I’d have taken him.”

“We went to the cockpit, Momma!”

“You did what?” She looked to Rafael.

Rafael explained how their spontaneous trip had come about and pulled up the photos on his phone. Olivia smiled as she scrolled through them and made a mental note to get copies from him. Especially one of the two of them together.

“I would have woken you,” Rafael told her, “but I know someone had you up early this morning and thought you’d appreciate the rest.”

“I do. Thank you for taking him.” She turned to Noah. “You look like you had a good time, sweet boy.”

“It was awesome!”

“Did you say thank you to the pilots?” Noah nodded. “And to the lady that organised it?”

Noah looked to Rafael.

“We didn’t get a chance,” he explained. “She had to go and check people were putting their seatbelts on. But we’ll make sure to say it before we land, won’t we amigo?”

Noah nodded, snuggling into his mom’s side. The excitement of his trip to the cockpit combined with his extra early morning meant that he was asleep not long after, even sleeping through the mild turbulence they’d experienced.

“Should we wake him?” Rafael asked. “Is napping now going to affect his sleeping pattern?”

Olivia looked at her watch. “It’s two-thirty in New York and he was still having an afternoon nap up until a couple of months ago so, as long as he doesn’t sleep too long, he should be fine, especially with the time difference.”

The rest of the flight passed without incident. Olivia had been worried that, in an unfamiliar environment, with no work to discuss, they would struggle to find things to talk about, but that had not been the case. She asked about his mother and he filled her in about the latest goings on at her charter school. They talked about music – discovering that they each harboured the guilty pleasure of loving cheesy 80s pop – and movies, sharing the things that they had seen recently that they thought the other would like. Olivia’s choices were slightly older – being a single parent meant she didn’t get out much and tended to watch things that had made their way onto Netflix or Hulu. Then the conversation turned to theatre, with Rafael running down his list of Broadway must-sees.

“… and then there’s obviously Hamilton. That show is… phenomenal. I’ve seen it three times.”

“It’s definitely on my list.”

“You’ve not seen it yet?”

“We’ve already established I don’t have a lot of free time. Besides, isn’t it sold out for the next decade? How have you managed to get tickets not once, but three times?”

He shrugged. “I know a guy.”

“What did you do? Give him legal advice?”

“Not quite. I prosecuted his sister’s rapist back in Brooklyn.” He paused for a moment, remembering before shaking off the memories. “Hey, how about, when we get back, I see if he can hook us up with some tickets and we’ll go.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

“Nonsense. As an American, it is your duty to see this show.”

Noah stirring awake ended their conversation and they were quickly sucked into playing Lego and several rounds of War with the pack of cards Olivia had brought with them. Then Noah insisted they all watch Inside Out on the in-flight screens and the movie brought them nearly to the end of their flight

The meltdown Olivia had feared from Noah never materialised – he was in a happy, cheerful mood for the entire flight – and Rafael was as good as his word, helping out and keeping the boy occupied. It was a completely different experience to that of her trip to Paris. So much so that she wondered why she’d ever pursued a relationship with Tucker when it was clear Noah wasn’t comfortable with him.    

She was jolted out of her thoughts when the plane connected with the tarmac and the passengers broke out into a round of applause at the successful landing.

Rafael barely held in his eye roll. “I don’t understand this need to clap on landing. He’s trained for this, he does it every day. It’s his job. I mean, can you imagine if I began clapping the barista every morning when I got my morning coffee? They’d have me committed.”

* * *

“Here we are,” Rafael announced, exiting the cab. The transfer from John Wayne Airport had taken about twenty minutes so, with the wait they’d had for their bags, the sky was beginning to darken. He paid the driver, before leaning back to work out the kinks from the flight and the drive. “Twin Dolphins.”

Clambering out after his uncle, Noah fixed his eyes on the ocean. “Where?”

Olivia smiled as she rounded the front of the cab from the other side. “Not real dolphins, sweet boy. It’s the name of the house.”

“Oh.” His disappointment was evident. He studied the house for a moment. “Why's it called Twin Dolphins?" Noah asked. As far as he was concerned, that was a ridiculous name for a house.

Rafael, who had been retrieving their luggage from the trunk of the cab, returned to the sidewalk and bent down to Noah's level before pointing to the roof, where there was a wind gauge depicting two dolphins. "That's why."

Noah’s eyes followed Rafael’s arm. “Oh.” He still thought it was a silly name for a house, but at least now there was a reason for it. He turned back to his uncle. “Will we see dolphins while we’re here?”

“Well, there’s a place that offers whale and dolphin spotting cruises, so maybe. If that’s something you think you’d like to do?”

“Yeah!”

Rafael pulled up the handle on his suitcase and rolled it to the front door. He pulled up the booking confirmation on his phone and typed in the combination to the electronic lock, opening the door to their home for the next nine days.

Ever the gentleman, he stepped aside allowing Olivia and Noah to enter first. There was a small hallway and beyond lay the main living space. In the centre of the room was a set of stairs leading to the first floor and either side of the stairs was a kitchen/diner on the left and the living room on the right.

“Woah! Look at the TV!”

Noah raced past her and bounded onto the sofa, instantly finding the remote and switching on the 50” television that hung on the wall. Within thirty seconds he’d found a channel playing Paw Patrol.

“He seems happy enough there for a few minutes,” Olivia said. “Shall we take a look around?”

Rafael parked his suitcase and, after flipping the deadbolt on the door, followed Olivia.

The house certainly was spacious, there was a single bedroom and half bath off from the living room and a large garage space at the back of the kitchen. On the second floor there were three double bedrooms, two with full en-suites and then on the top floor, there was a whole other living space, with another half bath, mini fridge, and a balcony with a sea view.

Not wanting Noah to be downstairs on his own, Olivia chose the smallest of the double rooms - the one without an en suite for her son. That left one opposite Noah and a slightly bigger one further down the hall.

“I’ll take this one,” Olivia said stopping in the doorway of the room directly opposite Noah’s.

“Are you sure? The other is bigger and, dare I say, nicer.”

“They’re both pretty nice Rafa.”

It wasn’t a lie, but the one at the end of the hall had a log fireplace and a nicer bathroom. It also had a better view.

“I know but…”

“I’m more likely to hear him if he wakes.” Olivia looked warily at the stairs. As much as she didn’t want him downstairs alone, she was also worried about him falling down the stairs in a sleep-addled state. “He’s not used to stairs.”

Rafael looked at the detailed brochure they’d emailed him when he’d booked. “There’s supposed to be a baby gate in the garage space somewhere. I’ll look it out.” He knew if he didn’t then Olivia would sleep with one eye open, listening out for the boy. And this holiday was supposed to be a relaxing break for her too. “And then there’s no excuse for you not taking the bigger bedroom.”

Olivia’s protest was cut off by her son’s voice echoing off the panelled walls. “Momma, I’m hungry!”

Olivia went to see what she could make out of the groceries that Rafael had arranged to have waiting for them and the next time she ventured upstairs she found Rafael had unpacked in the room across from Noah’s and left her bag in the bigger room.

She shook her head lightly – that man! – and opened her case, taking out her hair dryer and toiletry bag and laying them on the bed. They may have only been on vacation for less than a day, but already it was turning out to be a revelation as far as knowing Rafael Barba was concerned and she couldn’t wait to see what else was in store.


	5. Chapter 5

A gentle breeze blew out over the ocean and softly back to Olivia’s face. She could smell the salt, taste the scent on her tongue. She closed her eyes and let the roar of the waves envelop her as they pounded at the shore.

She was lying on her back on a plush, white towel, while Rafael instructed Noah in the finer art of sandcastle building. Or was Noah teaching Rafael? She couldn’t quite decide, but she was enjoying listening to the back and forth between the two.

It was just after 10am – Noah had insisted they set out straight after breakfast – and it was still fairly mild. The temperature was slowly creeping up though. It was currently 70oF but the high today was expected to reach almost 77. It was a far cry from the weather they’d left behind in New York, but definitely welcome.

There had been a box of sand toys in the house and Noah had chosen a couple of buckets and spades to bring with him, and Olivia had bought him a beach ball from a vendor just down the block. She wasn’t looking forward to blowing it up, but thankfully he was content with the sandcastles for the moment.

“Hey!”

Rafael’s shout followed by Noah’s infectious giggles had her turning her head.

“Your son is a delinquent,” he declared with a pout, though she could see the mischief in his eyes. “There I was building a sandcastle that could have won the American Architecture Prize and he comes along and destroys it!” His hands flew to his hips with dramatic flair, causing Noah’s giggles to get louder.

“Noah!” Olivia gently reprimanded. She knew Rafael wasn’t really bothered, but she didn’t want Noah to repeat the behaviour with anyone else.

The boy’s giggles died down a little at his mom’s tone. He looked up at Rafael. “Sorry, Uncle Rafa,” he said.

“It’s okay, amigo. I can rebuild it – and it’ll be even better than before. You can help. But first, I fancy a dip in the sea. You coming?”

Noah scrambled to his feet – he’d been dying to get his feet wet ever since they arrived. “Yeah!”

Liv pushed herself up off the towel as Rafael toed off his flipflops and stood. She was about to join him on her feet but was stopped in her tracks as he reached up and removed his t-shirt.

Her eyes automatically skipped over his back, enjoying the view of his strong muscles stretching and flexing as he pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on his towel. He turned towards her and she found, to her slight surprise, that his chest was rather well-defined for someone who spent most of their day sitting behind a desk. While he didn’t have a six-pack, his dress shirts and suits had certainly been hiding an impressive physique.

“Liv?”

Olivia had never been so glad to have been wearing sunglasses and hoped the heat she could feel in her cheeks at being caught staring didn’t give her away.

“Sorry, I… I was just thinking, maybe someone should stay here with the bags.” They hadn’t brought many valuables, just their phones and some cash, but in all of the holiday planning – even when dressing for the beach this morning – the idea that she and Rafael would see each other in swimwear hadn’t occurred. She needed a few moments to calm her thoughts and psyche herself up for stripping off in front of him.

“Probably a good idea. You’re okay if I take him?”

She nodded and turned to Noah and stripped him down to his shorts. “You stay close to Uncle Rafa and do exactly as he says, sweet boy. Okay?”

“Okay. Will you swim later, Momma?”

She secured his inflatable armbands in place. “I will. I promise.”

“Does he need sunscreen?” Rafael asked.

“No. I did it before we left. Should be good for another hour or so.”

Rafael took Noah’s hand and together they headed for the ocean. When they neared the water’s edge, Noah squealed with delight as the water lapped at his toes. Olivia watched as he jumped back, trying to avoid the small waves before eventually, Rafael swept the boy off his feet and carried him into the sea. He stopped when he was waist deep and playfully threatened to throw the boy in – no doubt some form of retribution for destroying his sandcastle.

Noah wrapped his arms around his uncle’s neck leaving Rafael with no other choice but to immerse himself in the water too. He leaned back, ignoring Noah’s protests until the boy was up to his neck. He wriggled free and paddled away a little, kicking his feet and splashing Rafael.

The two played in the waves for almost half an hour before Noah complained of being hungry, so they walked back up the beach towards Olivia. She saw them approaching and put down her book, readying Noah’s towel for him to dry off. When his mother was in sight, the boy ran the rest of the way, leaving Rafael to catch up. By the time he did, Noah was out of his armbands and wrapped in his towel eating a banana.

Olivia looked up as Rafael’s shadow fell over her. He was bent down, retrieving his own towel so Olivia took the chance to sneak a look at him. His skin looked more enticing than ever as water droplets ran down his chest and arms. He stood and ran his hand through his hair pushing it back from his face, before rubbing himself down with his towel.

Olivia bit her lip at the sight of him; skin glimmering in the sun and swim shorts riding low on his hips. How she would love to… She shook her head. She had to get herself under control before he finished drying off and noticed her reaction. Once again she was glad she was wearing sunglasses so he wouldn’t see her staring or her dilated pupils. At least she could blame her reddened cheeks on the sun.

She reached into the bag of snacks, busying herself and hoping that by the time she turned back round he would have a shirt on. She pulled out three bottles of water, handing one to Noah and taking his now empty banana skin, before turning to face Rafael. 

To her dismay – or not (she couldn’t quite decide) – he had not put on a shirt. He was stretched out on his front, his head pillowed on his arms looking at her.

“He’s a great kid.” He nodded at Noah.

Olivia placed the bottle next to him and received a grateful smile. Twisting the cap off her own, she took a sip. “He has his moments. Thanks for taking him out there.”

“It was fun, even if I feel I’ve run a marathon,” he scoffed. Noah was a bundle of energy and Rafael didn’t know where he got it from. What he did know, however, was that he didn’t have even half as much.

“Uncle Rafa, let’s build your sandcastle again!” called Noah, already filling his bucket.

Rafael pushed himself up off the towel, but Olivia waved him away. “Have a rest. I’ve got this.”

* * *

Olivia glanced at Rafael, once she’d been released from sandcastle building duties. “Your back is going red,” she observed. “Have you got sunscreen on?”

The sheepish look he gave her told her he hadn’t, and she fixed him with her best ‘mom-glare’.

“Well, I can’t reach, can I?”

“Do you want me to…?” she waved her hand vaguely as her brain caught up with her mouth and she realised the implications of her offer. If he accepted, she would have to run her hands over the brand expanse of his back and shoulders and given where her thoughts had been not that long ago, that could be considered a bad idea.

He pushed himself up to a sitting position and rummaged around in his bag for his sunscreen. “If you don't mind,” he said, holding out the bottle.

“Not at all. Beats you moaning about sunburn for the rest of the week.”

He scowled lightly but turned around and scooted back towards her. She flipped the cap and squirted some cream directly onto his back.

“Ah! Sh..” He stopped short of swearing as he noticed Noah’s eyes on him. “Jeez, that’s cold.”

Noah eyed him, curiously. “Were you going to say a bad word, Uncle Rafa?”

“I…” He looked back over his shoulder. “Wanna help me out here, Liv?”

She considered saying nothing, wanting to see how the great Rafael Barba would handle being cross-examined by a four-year-old, but the sheer look of panic in his eyes had her turning to her son.

“I didn't realise how cold the sunscreen was,” she explained - ignoring Rafael’s mutterings of “sure you didn’t” – “and I squirted it straight onto Uncle Rafa’s back. It was a bit of a shock for him and I yes, he was going to say a bad word but he stopped himself so I think we can let him off.”

He shrugged. “Okay but make sure you don't say it again,” he instructed. “Else Momma will make you put a dollar in the swear jar.”

“You have a swear jar?” Rafael asked as Noah returned his attention to his sandcastle.

“For when Carisi comes over to watch baseball with Noah,” she explained. She placed her hands in the centre of his shoulder blades and started spreading the cream outwards. “He can get rather… animated, shall we say. Although, I admit to having been caught out by Noah a couple of times and having to pay the fine.”

Rafael sat ramrod straight as Olivia ran her hands over his back. Her movements were brusque, determined, with no hint of seduction, but still her touch seared in a shockingly good way – just because it was hers. He closed his eyes and bit back a rather undignified whimper as her fingers trailed the ridges of his spine. He concentrated his thoughts on mundane things, like remembering all the presidents, to temper the feelings of excitement her touch was causing, He was just trying to recall the name of the thirteenth when her hands left his back and her voice broke into his thoughts.

“All done.”

“Oh, great. Thanks.” As much as he had been trying to ignore her touch, he now felt bereft at the loss of contact. “Want me to return the favour?”

Olivia was still wearing a thin tunic and linen trousers. She knew she'd have to remove them eventually – she’d promised Noah she’d swim, after all – but she was conscious of the scars from her time at the hands of William Lewis. She'd chosen a swimsuit that covered most of them but there were still a few that would be visible. They'd faded considerably over the intervening years, but she was still reluctant to bare them.

“Maybe later,” she told him, returning the sunscreen to his bag.

“It's okay. It's an intimate thing, I get it.” He tried not to be hurt by her response. Every nerve in his body was screaming to touch her, but he wouldn't coerce or push her if she wasn't comfortable.

“It's not that, I’m just not comfortable showing a lot of skin. Not after…” she trailed off, not wanting to utter Lewis’ name.

He offered her a small smile. He hadn't thought of that. Which was surprising since the vision of those scars had been seared on his brain during the trial. For months, every time he’d closed his eyes, he’d seen the angry, red welts marring her otherwise flawless skin.

“I understand. But you should know, those… marks… They're like a badge of honour.”

She narrowed her eyes at him – she couldn’t see anything honourable about them.

“You were injured trying to get justice and keep people safe,” he expounded. “If you were a veteran, they’d have given you a purple star.” He met her gaze with one of pride and affection. “You survived, Liv. Your scars are testament to your strength and courage and, even though you might think otherwise, they are part of what makes you beautiful.”

Olivia blushed and looked away, focusing her attention on the fraying edge of the towel as she plucked at it with her fingers. Did he really think she was beautiful?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” He reached out to touch her but thought better of it, his hand still in mid-air.

“I’m not embarrassed.” She looked up and he dropped his hand. “I’ve just never thought about it that way before. I’ve always seen them as something to be ashamed of, to hide away.”

He shook his head. “Never,” he replied softly. “But at the same time, there’s no pressure either. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Momma, I’m hungry!” Noah’s voice cut through their conversation, his new mantra bringing some light relief with it.

Smiling, Olivia glanced down at her watch and then back at Rafael with a shrug. “It is lunchtime.”

Rafael stood and pulled his shirt back on. “We’d better go and get some food then.”


	6. Chapter 6

After lunch, the three returned to their spot on the beach. Rafael blew up Noah’s beach ball and they played several rounds of Keep Away until Noah heard the ocean calling his name once more.

“Will you swim this time, Momma?” he asked, gazing up at her.

Remembering her earlier promise and not being able to refuse him when he looked at her like that, Olivia knew she would have to take the plunge.

“Okay, but you need more sunscreen first.”

She slathered Noah in the lotion as he ‘helped’ Rafael by rubbing more onto his back. Olivia wasn’t sure it was the safest course of action to have a four-year-old apply sunscreen, but Rafael had assured her it was fine because she was supervising and, besides he had Cuban skin that was more resilient to the sun. In truth, he just didn’t know if he could control his body’s reactions to being touched by her again in such a way

When both he and Noah were fully protected, Olivia held out the sunscreen to Rafael. “If the offer is still open…” she shrugged, glancing at the sand, “…would you mind?”

Rafael swallowed thickly but managed a smile for her as he reached for the bottle. “Not at all.”        

She stood and he tried to avert his eyes as she shimmied out of her shorts, but his gaze was drawn back towards her as Noah asked him a question. He turned his head to answer as she pulled her tunic off and found himself suddenly unable to breathe.

Her red, one-piece bathing suit hugged her generous curves and the neckline was just low enough to reveal a hint of cleavage. It was high backed – stopping about where he imagined the back strap of her bra would be – he assumed to hide her scarring. There were still a couple showing – one on her shoulder, peeking out from under the strap and one in the centre of her upper back. But they did nothing to dampen the arousal that Rafael felt looking at her.

Shaking himself out of his stupor before Olivia could notice, he opened his legs and she settled herself between them, her back to him as he lathered up some sunscreen in his hands. Once she was in a comfortable position, he began administering it onto Olivia’s creamy, soft skin. He started at her neck, his hands moving in small circles. As he moved out to her shoulders, he kneaded the muscles there as he went, gently pinching and removing any knots he found.

“Mmmm,” Olivia sighed as he relieved a particular spot of tension.

The noise went straight to Rafael’s groin and he shifted in his seat. Glancing at Noah, who was sat a few feet away, armbands on ready to swim, but happily playing with his dinosaurs in the sand, Rafael allowed his fingers to dance over Olivia’s back, teasing the edge of her suit and eliciting several more sighs and moans from her which, like the one before, went straight to his groin.

The sunscreen was all gone, there was no pretence anymore, but Rafael didn’t stop his ministrations, nor did Olivia move away. They would have both happily stayed there, touching and being touched for the remainder of the day but Noah had other ideas.

“Are you guys done?”

At the sound of her son’s voice, Olivia jerked forward. She stood quickly and held her hand out for Noah’s. “Sorry, sweet boy, Yes. Let’s go.” They walked a few paces down the beach before she realised Rafael wasn’t following them. “Aren’t you coming?”

“I… I just… I… need a minute.” He avoided her gaze, embarrassed at having to admit to his body’s reaction to her.

Olivia glanced down to his lap. She couldn’t really see anything due to the way he was sitting, but the blush on his face told her everything she needed to know. She felt her cheeks redden but couldn’t help but smirk lightly. “Okay. We’ll see you in a few.”  

* * *

“Do you want to walk down to the pier in a bit?” Rafael asked as he helped clear the dishes from the table later that evening. The rest of their afternoon had passed with any further embarrassing incidents and they’d just enjoyed a nice dinner of spaghetti, meat sauce and garlic bread.

Olivia leaned around the wall to check on Noah, who was sprawled out on the couch as Finding Dory played on the television. “I think all that sea air has tired someone out.”

Rafael followed her gaze and smiled. “It has been a busy day. I don’t know where he gets his energy from.”

Between swimming, keep away and tag, Noah had barely stopped. Thankfully, he had been happy to split his attention between both adults and Olivia, for one, was relieved to be able to share the exertion.

“Well, the huge ice-cream you bought him probably helped.”

Rafael shrugged. The boy had enjoyed it, so what was the harm, really? “So, a night in tonight?”

“I think that would be best, given we’ll be heading out pretty early tomorrow.” The drive to San Diego Zoo was predicted to take them close to two hours and they wanted to get an early start in order to make the most of their day.

“But don’t feel you have to stay in with us,” Olivia continued. “It’s your holiday; if you want to go out, don’t let Noah or I stop you.”

Rafael shook his head. “It’s _our_ holiday,” he corrected, as he rinsed a plate off in the sink. He met her eye, smiling at her in that way he reserved just for her. “I want to spend time with you and Noah. I wouldn’t have invited you otherwise.”

Trying not to read too much into his words, Olivia focussed on wiping down the counter. “Well, if you’re sure.”

“Of course. We can always go to the pier another night.”

“That sounds nice. Noah can’t wait to ride that Ferris wheel.” He’d seen the giant attraction from the beach earlier and had practically buzzed with excitement about wanting to go on it.

“Are we going tonight?” Noah called.

Olivia and Rafael shared a look. “He’s got ears like a bat,” the later commented with a grin.

“Except when he’s being asked to tidy up,” Olivia replied. She walked towards the living room. She bent down next to the couch. “Not tonight, sweet boy. You need to get an early night ready for the zoo tomorrow. But we’ll go another night, I promise.”

For a moment, Olivia wondered if he would argue, but he just hugged the throw pillow closer as he stifled a yawn. “Okay, Momma.”

“I think it’s time for your bath,” she said, picking up the remote and hitting pause, before scooping up her son and heading for the stairs. “Come on.” Her back and knees protested – Noah was getting too big to lift – but Olivia didn’t mind so much. She knew the time was coming when Noah wouldn’t want cuddles or to be carried around, so she intended to enjoy it while it lasted.

Knowing that after bath meant bedtime, Noah turned as Olivia stepped onto the bottom step and asked sleepily, “Can Uncle Rafa do my story?”

Over the past few months, Rafael had become Noah’s favourite storyteller. The voices the lawyer put on and his flair for the dramatic kept the boy enraptured and whenever Rafael was around at bedtime, his story-telling services were always requested.

Rafael leaned around the partition wall, dishcloth in hand and smiled at Noah. “Of course.”

“He’s only brought _Giraffe’s Can’t Dance_ and _The Gruffalo_ ,” Olivia warned, knowing how monotonous those books could be after reading them numerous times, as Rafael had done.

Rafael rounded the corner and approached them. “That’s okay. I downloaded a few new ones onto my iPad before we left.” He looked at Noah and ruffled his curls. “Figured it was time to broaden your horizons, _amigo_.”

“Isn’t he a bit young for Vonnegut and Wolfe?” commented Olivia with a smile.

He pressed his lips together. “You’re never too young to start learning about classic contemporary authors. But I was thinking more Dr Seuss or Eric Carle.”

Noah, who had woken up a little and grown bored of the adults’ conversation, began to wriggle in Olivia’s arms. He had seemingly changed his mind about arguing. “Down, Momma. I don’t wanna have a bath.”

“Noah,” Olivia warned, trying to keep hold of her overtired son.

But Noah was having none of it. “No bath!” He kicked his legs and flailed his arms, causing Olivia to stumble and lose her balance.

Seeing what was about to happen, Rafael’s arms shot out to grab her, not wanting either her or Noah to come to any harm. His hands found her waist and he planted his feet to support her weight and prevent her from falling off the step. Her arm that wasn’t around Noah found purchase on his shoulder and she leant forward allowing him to take her weight while she regained her balance. The height difference between them caused by the first stair meant that he ended up with his head level with her chest.

He closed his eyes, not wanting to embarrass Olivia but being deprived of sight just heightened his other senses and his nostrils were filled with the delicate aroma of her perfume. As he stood there, his face millimetres from her breasts, her scent surrounding him, he felt the familiar stirring in his groin.

He cursed inwardly. He had to get it together. If things carried on like this Olivia was going to think he was some kind of pervert.

He coughed lightly. “You okay?” he asked.

She nodded. “Y-yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Well, she was if she ignored the tingling of her skin where Rafael’s fingers had strayed under the hem of her sweater whilst he was trying to prevent her from falling.

At her assurances, Rafael dropped his hands and stepped back. Noah was still protesting against his bath. Loudly.

“Hey! Hey!” The serious tone of Rafael’s voice silenced him for a moment. “You need to listen to your mami and go for your bath.” Noah pouted and took a breath; which Rafael knew meant he was gearing up for further protestations. He held up a hand and fixed the four-year-old with what he hoped was a kind, but firm gaze. “No bath, no story.”

Noah’s pout remained, but his shoulders sagged. “Okay, Uncle Rafa.”

“Good. Now, what do you say to your mami?”

He turned to Olivia with sorrowful eyes. “Sorry, Momma.”

“Thank you, sweet boy.” She kissed his temple, before starting up the stairs. As she rounded the landing above, she smiled gratefully at Rafael over her shoulder.

* * *

Olivia had just curled up with a large glass of Cabernet and the book she’d bought especially for the trip when Rafael descended the stairs after storytime. She had said goodnight and tucked Noah in, before leaving in him the capable hands of his uncle Rafa

“That was quick,” she observed, pushing the glass of scotch she’d poured for him across the table with her slippered foot.

“ _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ will, alas, remain hungry for another day,” he replied as he picked up his drink and joined her on the sofa. “He fell asleep before we’d even reached Thursday.”

Olivia patted his knee. “I’m sorry. He was shattered. I’m sure it wasn’t a reflection on your choice of story,” she smirked.

Rafael raised his eyebrow at her teasing and took a swig of his drink. “Oh, so that’s what I get for trying to introduce your son to new things. I’ll remember that!”

He reached for the TV remote. “Will it disturb you if I put this on?”

“No, it’s fine.”

They sat there for a few moments, each indulging in their chosen past times before Olivia closed her book and looked up at him.

“Thank you.”

He turned to her. “For?”

“Everything you do for Noah. The things you buy him, the time you spend with him. He needs strong, male role models in his life.”

“He’s got Fin and Carisi. They can play sports with him and show him how to stand up for himself.”

“Yes, but there’s more to life than all that. I mean, who else is going to teach him to pick out the perfect suspenders to match a tie?” She playfully nudged his leg with her foot and was rewarded with a small smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Seriously though, “You're the reason he likes to go to school and learn new things. He wants to be ‘smart’ like you. And I know you're the one he’s going to want to teach him Spanish and help him with homework. You’re the one he’ll come to when he needs help writing his college applications.”

When Rafael didn’t respond, Olivia feared she’d overstepped. “Sorry.” She shook her head. “I don’t mean to push you into a role you’ll be uncomfortable with.”

It was Rafael’s turn to shake his head. “No, no. I love being ‘Uncle Rafa’ and would like nothing more than to do all those things with Noah.” ‘ _And more_ ,’ he added silently. Deep down he wanted to be everything a male role model should be – everything a father should be – but he couldn’t bring himself to take that final step. Not without an inkling of how Olivia felt about him. “I just wasn’t sure you wanted me to.”

She shifted in her seat, turning to face him. “Rafa…” Reaching across, she took his hand before lifting her head and looking at him lovingly. “There is no one I would rather do those things with my son.”

He stretched his arm along the back of the sofa as she spoke, his fingers stroking the ends of her hair. His fingers ghosted across her cheek as he moved to tuck an errant lock behind her ear. Carding his fingers through her hair, he leaned towards her, slowly closing the gap between them. His heart was racing. He saw Olivia’s gaze drop momentarily to his lips before returning to meet his. ‘ _This is it,’_ he thought as their breaths mingled. _‘Our first kiss.’_

“Liv…”

But the moment was shattered by the sound of a shout from upstairs. “MOMMA!!”


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, neither mentioned their near kiss, too busy getting up and ready to leave. Noah was very excited at the prospect of seeing all the animals – especially the elephants – and had been chatting away from the moment he had woken.

The little boy seemed no worse for wear for his bad dream that had interrupted Rafael and Olivia, He’d been scared at the time, so much so that he’d needed his mom to snuggle up with in order to fall back to sleep. As she’d lay there, stroking her son’s soft curls and reassuring him that the monsters were definitely not going to come and get him, she’d felt her eyelids getting heavy. The combination of fresh, sea air, chasing Noah around the beach and the comfortable bed caught up with her and she fell asleep right there next to him.

When she hadn’t returned, Rafael had gone looking for her, worried that he had embarrassed her. When he’d found her curled up, next to Noah, snoring softly, he was relieved. She hadn’t been avoiding him. She’d looked so peaceful, he hadn’t had the heart to wake her. Instead, he pulled the comforter over them and giving them both a gentle kiss on the forehead, slipped quietly from the room.

After showers and a hearty breakfast of blueberry pancakes and fruit, they set off just before 8am. Rafael had rented an SUV for the day – a blue, Ford Escape – which had been dropped off while Olivia was in the shower. They hit a little traffic along the I5, due to the rush hour, but the journey progressed well. Noah talkativeness continued for the first half hour until Olivia handed him his iPad and headphones. As her son began his Paw Patrol marathon, Olivia looked at Rafael.

“Sorry about Mr Chatterbox back there,” she said.  

Rafael shook his head, switching lanes to overtake a truck. “It’s okay. He’s just excited. But I have to say, it’s hard to believe anyone was ever concerned about his speech development.”

Olivia laughed. “Tell me about it. I wished for his speech to improve for so long, but sometimes, I wish he’d be quiet… just for a few minutes.”

She paused a moment, gathering her thoughts. They hadn’t managed to talk about what had almost happened between them and she was loathed to let it go unmentioned for much longer. She didn’t want things to become awkward between them.

“Listen, Rafa, about last night…”

“Liv, I…”

“Are we there yet?” Noah’s voice carried from the back seat.

Rafael smiled. _Interrupted again._ “What were you saying?”

Olivia shook her head and turned to her son. “Not yet, sweet boy.”

Noah sighed. “How long?”

Olivia glanced at the Sat Nav and did a quick mental calculation and tapped the top of his iPad. “Probably about three episodes.”

Noah put his headphones back on with a slight huff, allowing Olivia to return to her conversation with Rafael. “As I was saying...”

“Liv, I know you want to talk. I do too, but maybe it’s better to wait, hmm?” He jerked his head in Noah’s direction. “Less interruptions.” She was right, they did need to talk, but this wasn’t the time or place. And not just because of Noah’s presence. He needed to get straight in his head what he wanted to say to her; how much of what he felt for her he wanted to divulge.

“I suppose.” She bit her lip. “It’s just-”

“Liv.” He reached for her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Stop panicking. Please. We’re okay. Let’s just focus on having a good time at the zoo, yeah?”

She gave an almost imperceptible nod.

“All that… other stuff…,” he continued, resting his hand on the centre console, “will still be there when we get back.”

She raised an eyebrow at his choice of words. “Other stuff?”

“You know what I mean.”

Her lip curled into a smile. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

The conviction with which Rafael assured her they were okay eased any worries that Olivia had about the events of the previous evening and gave her the confidence to rest her hand atop his.

He glanced at her, a curious expression on his face.

She shrugged in response. He was right, they were okay – more than okay. They may not have spoken about it, but something between them had shifted last night. She’d felt it when he’d brushed past her in the kitchen that morning and his hand had lingered at her hip. She’d been fighting the urge to touch him, since the beach and now it seemed she had the freedom to do so.

He spread his fingers, allowing hers to rest in-between. They remained like that until they arrived at the zoo, and Rafael shifted into ‘park’. Olivia glanced at the clock; it was just after ten o’clock – they had made good time. She helped Noah out of his booster seat and set him down beside the car. The zoo may have only been open for just over an hour, but the carpark was already busy, and a line had formed at the entrance. Olivia kept a tight hold of her son as they crossed the parking lot and approached the turnstiles, Rafael behind them.

The attendant totalled up the price of their tickets and guide and Olivia and Rafael pulled their wallets simultaneously.

“Rafa…” she protested as he won the race to pay, retrieving his card quicker than her as she was trying to hold on to an overexcited four-year-old at the same time.

“What?” he asked with an innocent shrug, returning the card to his wallet before pocketing it and the receipt.

They made their way through the turnstiles and regrouped on the other side. “I am more than capable of paying my way.”

“I know. I never said you weren’t. It was just easier, you were keeping Noah in check and I could get to my wallet.” He took out a roll of coffee flavoured hard candies from his pocket, worked one to the opening with his thumb and popped it into his mouth, then offered her the roll. She shook her head.  “If paying for things bothers you that much,” he continued, “I’ll let you buy lunch.”

“I will do that. And don’t think I’ve forgotten about my share of the trip either.” She hadn’t yet paid her half – Rafael insisting he didn’t need the money until his credit card bill was due.

Rafael managed to hold in his eye roll. “Wouldn’t dream of it.” He turned to Noah. “So, _amigo_ , have you decided which animal you want to see first?”

“Eddie wants to see the elephants,” Noah told him.

“Of course,” Rafael chuckled. “I should have known.” He took Noah’s hand in his left and then, to Olivia’s surprise – and glee – reached for hers with his right, lacing their fingers together. “Elephant Odyssey here we come.”

* * *

The Elephant Odyssey was across the other side of the park and naturally, Noah’s attention was captured by several other animals along the way. Giraffes, rhinos, bears, koalas. He giggled at the brightly coloured mandrills’ bottoms and gasped at how high the kangaroos could jump.

Of course, the elephants were the highlight for Noah. When Rafael had bought the stuffed elephant for Noah when he was sick with the measles, he had just thought it was a nice gift – a safe bet for a toddler – but it had become more than that. Noah had latched onto the toy and never left the house without it. It had also spurred the boy’s interest in the species – he was eager to know as much as possible about them.

Rafael didn’t let go of Olivia’s hand until they arrived at the enclosure. They were just in time for the elephant talk, which Noah insisted on attending. They found a seat, Noah squeezing in between the two adults, breaking their contact. The crowd quietened as the zookeeper took to the podium and told the audience her name and a few of her responsibilities before introducing the elephants by name and giving a brief overview of their behaviour.

“Elephants are intelligent and sociable animals who live together in family groups and usually led by the oldest female,” she read. “Here at San Diego Zoo, we have both African and Asian elephants. They look very similar but there is a way to tell the difference. Does anyone know how?”

“I know, I know!” Noah was on his feet, his hand in the air almost before the zookeeper’s had finished her question. The zookeeper nodded at him to give his answer. “They have different ears.”

“That’s right, well done.” Noah beamed and Rafael ruffled his hair as the zookeeper continued. “African elephants have very large ears that are shaped like the continent of Africa, while Asian elephants have smaller ears.”

She led the crowd into the elephant care centre, where they watched as the keepers scrubbed the elephants’ feet and tails and watched part of a training session. Noah was entranced, his eyes fixed on the actions of the zookeepers, listening intently. He had a permanent smile on his face.

Olivia met Rafael’s gaze over the top of Noah’s head. “Thank you,” she mouthed. She knew this would be the highlight of the trip and her son would be talking about it for weeks.

Rafael shook his head but gave her a smile. A thank you wasn’t necessary. He was glad Noah seemed to be enjoying the trip. He knew from his own childhood how much impact such visits could have – he remembered his grandparents taking him to Philadelphia when he was in seventh grade. He’d been studying the American Revolution in his History class and had been so engaged with the topic, his Grandfather had dipped into his meagre savings to fund a trip to Independence Hall, where both the Declaration of Independence and US Constitution had been signed. The sense of history and justice he had felt in that place fuelled his ambition to study law, to make a difference.

If being at the zoo offered Noah even a modicum of what the trip with his Grandparents had offered Rafael, then it would be more than worth it.

* * *

After lunch, which Rafael did let Olivia pay for, they visited the 4-D cinema to watch the Ice Age experience. The exploits of Sid, Scrat, Manny and the gang had Noah enraptured, and he giggled as they were squirted with water. Olivia, on the other hand, jumped as the seats began to rattle suddenly, leading Rafael to rest a comforting hand just above her knee and lean into her.

“Okay?” he whispered.

Her hand found his, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Yeah. Just wasn’t expecting that,” she laughed.

Rafael turned his hand over under hers and interlaced their fingers, smiling as Olivia curled hers around his. He was enjoying their new-found closeness and hoped that tonight, once Noah was in bed, they could talk and perhaps find their way back to where they’d been when Noah interrupted the night before.

Once the show was over, and they were outside the theatre, Rafael had to reluctantly drop Olivia’s hand when Noah requested a piggyback.

 “I’m tired,” he complained, so Rafael bent down and allowed him to clamber onto his back.

“Make sure you hold on tight, amigo.”

Noah nodded and wrapped his arms around Rafael’s neck, slightly restricting his air supply.

“Maybe not that tight,” he croaked out.

“Sorry,” the boy giggled and loosened his grip. “What’s your favourite animal, Uncle Rafa?” Noah asked as they walked.

Rafael thought for a moment, he couldn’t recall ever having been asked to pick a favourite animal before. “Penguins. They make me laugh. There they are, all fancy, parading around in their tuxedos, and then they fall on their faces.”

“That _is_ funny,” Noah agreed.

“We should go and see the penguins now then,” Olivia said, pulling her sunglasses from her purse.

“What about you?” Rafael asked her. “Any exhibit you’re desperate to see?”

Olivia pulled the map out of the back pocket of her jeans and studied it as she considered Rafael’s question. “Maybe the lions?”

“Why lions, Momma?”

“Because of the role of the females. They work really hard – they do the majority of the hunting,” she side-eyed Rafael, “while the males just laze around all day in the sun.”

Rafael raised an eyebrow. “That’s a bit of an oversimplification,” he argued. “Males have a role too. They have to protect the herd and…” he glanced at Noah, before leaning in to whisper in her ear, “mate with the females.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “So basically, males spend their time having sex and sleeping,” she whispered playfully. “That’s hardly comparable to hunting to feed the entire pride.”

“Works for the lions,” Rafael pointed out. He hadn’t intended his original comment to sound so suggestive, but now that it was out there, he was going to run with it.

“The _male_ lions,” Olivia corrected. “Y’know I read an article about a lion who was killed by the lioness after they’d been together 8 years. Maybe she finally got sick of the double standards.”

Rafael smirked. “Or maybe she…”

He was cut off by Noah. “You’re like a lioness, Momma.”

“How so, sweet boy?”

“You hunt bad guys at work. You and Auntie Amanda. So, you’re like lionesses.”

“But that would make Uncle Fin and Uncle Sonny are lazy male lions,” she pointed out.

Noah shrugged. “Maybe.”

Rafael chuckled. “Fin, yes. But Carisi? He’s more like an overeager puppy.”

“If we’ve finished debating the intricacies of my squad, I believe there are more animals to see.”

* * *

It was after 9 by the time the three of them returned to Newport Beach. Olivia lifted Noah from the car and carried him into the house, Rafael following behind with her purse and Noah’s backpack.

Stopping at the foot of the stairs, she turned to Rafael. “I’ll just put him to bed and then, maybe we can talk?”

“Sounds good. I’ll pour us both a drink.” He ran his hand over Noah’s curls. “Buenas noches, amigo.”

Olivia allowed herself a small smile at the interaction, before heading up the stairs. Noah was a dead weight in her arms. He stirred a little as Olivia laid him on his bed and undressed him, so she sat with him, stroking his hair until he drifted back off to sleep.

As she descended the stairs, she could hear Rafael’s voice. She rounded the balustrade to find him pacing the kitchen, his cell phone pressed to his ear.

“I know, but it’s not a big deal. It’s just four weeks. And I needed the break, I-” He let out a frustrated sigh as his mother cut him off. After Lucia had railed for a few moments, Rafael responded with a remorseful, “Si, Mami.” He turned on his heal and stopped short seeing Olivia standing there. “Um, Mami. Give me a second.” He rolled his eyes exaggeratedly at his mother’s response. “No Mami, I am not trying to _avoid the conversation_.”

He pressed the mute button on his phone and met Olivia’s eyes. “Sorry about this. She called in at my office this afternoon… I might have neglected to tell her about my suspension.”

Olivia gave him a disapproving look.

“Needless to say, she is not very happy with me. She called three times while we were driving home. I called back, thinking something was wrong, but…”

Olivia waved away his apology. “It’s fine.” She picked up the glass of wine he’d poured for her. “I’ll be in the living room when you’re… done.” She bit back a smile at the thought of Rafael being scolded by his mother.

Putting her glass down on the coffee table, she switched on the TV, turning it up just enough to drown out Rafael’s voice. As amusing as she found the situation, she didn’t want to eavesdrop. If he wanted her to know what his mother had said, he’d tell her. At length, she was sure.

Toeing out of her shoes, she lay down on the sofa, her body sinking into the cushions, and she sighed with relief. The comfort of the couch was a welcome relief for her aching muscles. She glanced at her Fitbit; she’d done over 16,000 steps. With her attention on all the exhibits, she hadn’t realised how much walking she was actually doing, but she was feeling it now. It was an effort to even keep her eyes open.

By the time Lucia had finished her lecture and Rafael joined Olivia in the living room, she was fast asleep. His eyes roamed her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful, he was loathed to wake her, but he knew she would rest better in bed. He pushed the hair back out of her face and whispered,

“Liv? Liv, wake up.”

Her eyes blinked open. “Wha-? Oh, sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s been a long day.”

Olivia pushed herself into a sitting position, stifling a yawn.

“You should go to bed,” Rafael told her.

“We said we’d talk,” she protested, even though the thought of curling up in bed was very, very appealing.

“We’ve got time,” Rafael assured her. “We don’t need to rush.”

“But…”

“I’m pretty wiped too, and, call me old fashioned, but I’d prefer to have this conversation without one of us falling asleep halfway through.”

She managed a weary smile.

“Liv, you’re exhausted. Go to bed.”

“You sure you don’t mind?”

“Not at all.” He held out a hand and helped her to her feet, before leading her upstairs. Outside her bedroom door, he turned to face her and leant in and brushed his lips across her cheek. She turned her head before he could pull back fully and reciprocated, her kiss landing on the corner of his mouth.

He smiled but stepped back for fear if he kissed her properly he wouldn’t be able to stop

“Good night, Liv. Sweet dreams.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Go sit down, I'll get you some ice.” Olivia dropped their beach bags inside the door before rushing to the kitchen.

“Only if it’s in a large scotch,” he called after her, making his way to the sofa.

The right side of his head was still throbbing, but he feared it was too late for an ice-pack to have any effect. A generous measure of alcohol, however, would surely numb the pain. Of both his face and his ego.

Noah clambered up onto the sofa. “I’m sorry, Uncle Rafa.”

Rafael’s head whipped round to face the boy and his vision began swimming. He squeezed his eyes closed in an effort to ward off the nausea. When he opened them again, Noah was regarding him curiously, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“It wasn’t your fault.” He gave the boy what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

“But you got hurt trying to stop the frisbee hitting me.”

“I did, but I don’t blame you, Noah.”

They’d been on the beach, Noah building another – bigger and better – sandcastle and Rafael returning from a dip in the ocean, when Rafael’s attention had been caught by a group of boisterous teenagers playing frisbee just to their right. One of the boys was yelling to the other to ‘go deep’ and Rafael watched in horror as he launched the frisbee in their direction. It was as if it all happened in slow motion and he somehow knew – instinctively – that the plastic projectile was going to hit Noah. It was heading right for him. Not wanting the boy to be hurt, Rafael had dived in front of him and taken the frisbee to the head in the process.

“It looks red. Does it hurt?” Noah reached out and poked at the red mark.

Rafael congratulated himself on holding in his wince and was thankful when Olivia returned and intervened to curtail the young boy’s ‘examination’ of his injury.

“Noah, don’t poke Uncle Rafa’s owie,” she said, motioning for her son to shuffle up the couch so she could sit down next to Rafael. Instead, Noah chose to climb down off the sofa – his attention taken by the small pile of toys he’d brought with him.

Olivia cupped the uninjured side of Rafael’s face and pressed the wrapped ice to the opposite side. He hissed at the cold.

“Sorry, but we need to get the swelling down.” She held the ice in place for a few moments, before lifting it off to survey the damage. “Looks like you’re going to have quite the shiner,” she told him regretfully, returning the cold compress to his skin.

Rafael shirked away. “I think we’re past the ice stage.”

“And how would you know?” she asked, eyebrow raised, moving with him to keep up the pressure of the ice. He hardly the type to get in bar fights.

Rafael cast a quick glance at Noah, who was now playing with his dinosaurs at their feet and lowered his voice. “This is far from my first black eye. I was hardly a popular kid at school and…” He let out a deep breath and, looking down at his hands, whispered, “My father was pretty handy with his fists too.”

Olivia’s thumb swept gently over his uninjured cheek. His admission hadn’t shocked her. Over the years, she’d gotten glimpses into his childhood, and his father had never been mentioned, up until he had been prosecuting Amaro’s father for cracking his fiancé’s skull. Rafael’s attitude then, and some of the passing comments he’d made, had caused her to wonder. But she hadn’t pushed – knowing he would tell her when he felt comfortable. She lifted his head and dipped hers to catch his eye.

“Rafa…”

“It was a long time ago. Most days, I barely even think about it.” He tried to brush it off, but his eyes were shining, tears pooling in the corners but, through what she could only assume was sheer willpower, he didn’t let them fall.

She tilted her head. “Still… I’m here… if you want to talk about it.”

His hand came up and stilled the movement of her thumb across his cheek. He clasped her hand, lowering it as he entwined their fingers. He looked down at their joined hands and pondered why someone as strong and loyal as Olivia Benson would be the least bit interested in someone with as much emotional baggage as him. But it appeared she was, and Rafael was going to strive every day to be worthy of her.

“I know.” He gave her his trademark half smile. “But now’s not the time.”

He motioned to Noah, and Olivia gave him a little nod to show she understood. It wasn’t a topic to discuss around little ears. She removed the ice from his face again and handed it to him, so she was free to examine the red mark just above his eye.

“You’re lucky that frisbee didn’t make contact an inch or two lower,” she commented, running her finger over the red skin. “Or we’d have been making a trip to the ER.”

Hearing Olivia mention the ER, Noah turned toward them. “Does Uncle Rafa need to go to hospital?” he asked, concern written all over his little face.

“No, sweet boy,” Olivia assured. “He’ll be okay after a little rest… _if_ he keeps the ice on.” She glared at Rafael, who begrudgingly returned the compress to his face.

“Did you kiss it better?” he asked innocently.

“Wha…? No, I didn’t.”

Noah’s brow furrowed. “But you always kiss my owies better.”

“Uncle Rafa’s a big boy, I’m sure he doesn’t need me to kiss him better.” She turned to Rafael. “Right?”

“I don’t know,” he smirked. “It is _very_ painful.”  

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Rafael nodded.

“In that case…” Olivia cupped his uninjured cheek once more and leaned in toward him.

Rafael’s eyes widened slightly as he realised Olivia wasn’t backing down from his playful challenge, and he removed the ice from his cheek to allow her to close the gap between them.

She kissed his bruised skin, her lips lingering for several moments. As she pulled away, Rafael’s hand found the back of her neck, gently stilling her. After glancing down and seeing Noah’s attention had been recaptured by his dinosaurs, he returned his eyes to Olivia, gazing deeply into her eyes. His thumb stroked over her jawline as he slowly inched forward - giving her the opportunity to pull away if she wished - and brushed his lips across hers.

Olivia’s breath hitched at the contact, but she responded, her lips moving with his for a brief moment before she pulled away, conscious of Noah’s presence. She didn’t want to relinquish contact fully though so opted to gently rest her forehead against his. Neither spoke – not wanting to break the moment – but they shared a sweet, almost shy smile.

Her free hand found his – still holding the ice pack – and she lifted it, returning the compress to his skin. Her actions elicited an eye-roll from Rafael, swiftly followed by a wince of pain from the movement of the muscles around his eyes.

“It’s still swollen,” she whispered.

“Feels much better though.”   

* * *

By the time evening came, the bruising around Rafael’s eye had become an interesting shade of deep purples. They hadn’t spoken about the kiss since it happened, conscious of Noah’s little presence, but they had been more than a little tactile with each other.

They’d walked hand-in-hand to the ice-cream parlour after lunch, before returning to the house to watch a movie, during which they’d snuggled up on the sofa, Noah on his lap. Then there had been several touches while they prepared dinner, her hand on his arm as she asked him a question, his on her back as he passed by to retrieve the wine from the fridge. Even the slightest touch made their skin tingle with the promise of what was to come.

Now, Noah was asleep and the two of them were sitting on the little balcony facing the ocean, watching the sunset.

“Wow, it’s so beautiful.”

“It is,” Rafael replied, but he wasn’t looking at the sunset; his attention was more focussed on Olivia. He raised his arm and lay it on the back of the bench in silent invitation. An invitation that Olivia accepted, leaning into him, allowing him to wrap his around her shoulder.

Once the last of the vibrant ribbons of pinks and mauves had filtered out of the sky, fading into nothing but little wisps of colour, and the sun had finally dipped below the horizon, they both just sat in awe of what they'd witnessed, as a comfortable sense of warmth settled over them. They sat quietly for a few moments, just enjoying each other's company as the sky began to grow dark before Olivia turned to Rafael.

“So…”

She was nervous. The butterflies that had been dancing in her stomach since their kiss, now felt like hummingbirds, tying her in knots. While their forced silence on the issue had increased anticipation, it had also allowed doubts to creep in. There was a certain level of awkwardness and uncertainty in this; a transition from the place where they had been, to something that they both appeared to want to explore.

His mouth quirked into a half-smile. “So…”

“What exactly are we doing here?”

“Starting something amazing… I hope,” he confessed. “Liv, I’ve been fighting what I feel for you for… well, longer than I probably should have. I don’t want to do it anymore.”

Rafael inched closer on the bench until his face was directly in front of hers. He reached up and cupped her face. His thumbs stroked the line of her jaw, the curve of her cheek. Finally, one of them swept her reddened, full bottom lip.

“I think we could have something wonderful together, Liv… if that’s what you want?”

“Rafa… I don’t exactly have the best track record with relationships.”

“Neither do I, Liv but that’s hardly a reason not to try.”

“It’s just…” She bit her lip because saying it was hard. She had admitted it to herself but giving voice to her concern made it real. “You’re my best friend, Rafa. I don't want to lose you,” she said thickly. When she felt his hands begin to drop, she lifted hers, encircling his wrists and keeping his hands on her cheeks. “That doesn't mean that I don't want to move forward.”

He expected her to let him down gently, and thought she was doing just that, but she managed to surprise him. Rafael stared at her. There was an emotion in her eyes that he had never seen before. It was so intense, it was a little hard to find his voice, and so he ended up quietly rasping her name.

“Liv…” There was fear in her gaze, but determination. He thought that he even saw a little bit of hope and something else that he couldn't quite define, something that he wasn't sure that either of them could define this early in the game.

“I want to explore this… us, but it's important to me that we don’t lose what we already have.”

Their relationship going forward needed to be rooted in the firm friendship that they’d already built. They both had failed relationships, mistakes in their pasts, and hurts that had left marks on their hearts. They were older than they would like to be, and they had to work together.

It was the professional concern that was the least of her troubles. Olivia trusted herself, and she trusted him. They would stumble, but they would find their way. She was more troubled by having to disclose, although she would. She had been there before with Haden and her choice not to disclose then had come back to bite her.

There were few that she let into her private sphere, and Chief Dodds was not one of them. She knew Rafael felt much the same way. He wouldn’t be thrilled with the idea of letting him know something so personal about them, but he would agree that it had to be done. They could handle the work side of things. They knew how to do their jobs; they’d been doing them long enough.

“Friends,” he agreed. “Always.”

When she drew in a breath at his words, thin and shuddering and nodded slightly, Rafael felt an answering tremor move through him. They were really doing this.

Her thumbs stroked gently, where they still encircled his wrists, and her heart pounded out a hard, fast rhythm within her chest. She swallowed hard, passed a suddenly dry throat. Her eyes closed as she inhaled. She could smell the faint scent of his cologne and the way it mingled with the scotch he’d been sipping as they watched the sunset.

Moving slowly, deliberately, she closed the last of the gap between them. Her nose nuzzled his cheek and she felt his lips curve as hers brushed against them. It lingered there, barely a caress at all. When she hummed and increased the pressure of the kiss, Rafael let his hands drop. His arms wrapped around her and he gathered her close.

Olivia melted against him. A soft, low sound rumbled in her throat at the first brush of his tongue against her bottom lip. Heat moved through her. As the kiss slowly deepened, unhurried and lingering, her hands found his shoulders, smoothing over his soft, cotton shirt.

When at last they broke apart, she turned her face into his neck, while he continued to hold her. This was what she worried would come between them. Instead, it was heat and emotion, hope, and possibility. When she felt his hands slide into her hair, Olivia tipped her head back. She looked up at him, lips swollen and eyes lidded. She saw the question in his dark eyes. Her lips curved slowly upward into a soft smile. She tipped her face toward him and let her lips brush his again, gently, softly. “Hi,” she whispered. They had spent countless hours together, evenings and afternoons, and oddly, she felt as if she had finally found him.

“Hi.” His thumb stroked the curve of her lips again. He smiled down at her, his eyes sparkling. His head lowered so that their foreheads touched. “Should we go inside, watch a movie or something?” He was conscious of her words, assuming that her need to preserve their friendship meant she wanted to take things slowly.

But she surprised him for the second time that night.

“Or you could take me to bed…” She stood and let her gaze sweep over him, a challenge in her gaze. She reached for his hand and when he didn’t immediately take it, she leaned over so they were face to face. “I'm sure, Rafa.”

It was all that he needed, to know that this wasn't a knee-jerk reaction to the effects of their kiss. He stood and pulled her into him. His arms slid around her waist and his mouth caught hers again, the kiss far more insistent this time, with none of the sweet and lingering heat of earlier. He walked her backwards, into the house.

Once inside, they parted, breaths mingling, eyes alight with need and desire. He took Olivia’s hand and led them down the stairs to the second floor.

She leaned into his side as they went. There was an air of anticipation on the air, heated and electric. Her shoulder bumped against his as they reached the bottom of the stairs. He looked down at her, eyes dark, and found the answering spark in her gaze. His thumb brushed the top of her hand as he drew her with him. His hands itched to touch her.

A smile. It curved her lips when they reached her room. They hesitated there, just for a moment. They were crossing a line, but it was a conscious choice, one not entirely buried in need and want. Although that was still there, certainly, thrumming between both of them. Olivia stepped over the threshold first, backing into her room and giving his hand a gentle tug. Rafael stepped inside after her, kicking the door closed behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a change in tone for this chapter, but hopefully it's not too jarring.

Sometime during the night, a storm had rolled in. Unusual for California, but not unheard of, especially at this time of year. Thunder rumbled and heavy rain pattered against the bedroom window. Rafael awakened at the first sound of the approaching storm and lay, silently listening to its ever-building cacophony of sound.

After a few moments, he glanced at the clock on the nightstand. 4.53am. Far too early for someone on vacation to be awake. He had just closed his eyes to try and drift back off when there was a particularly loud crash of thunder, one that almost made the panes of glass shudder in their mountings.

There was a stirring of the sheets next to him. He smiled softly as Olivia’s bare arm trailed up over his chest and her small pale hand came to rest over his heart. Her mouth opened into a slight pout, her warm red lips puckering as though she were dreaming of being kissed. He leaned into her body and dropped a small tender kiss upon those lips and watched as they rose up in the corners at the beginning of a smile and her eyes blinked open.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey.” She smiled sleepily as she reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and, with a gentle tug, pulled him down to her and pressed her lips against his.

“Hmm,” Rafael hummed into the kiss. “Y’know, it used to be coffee that got me going in a morning, he mused. “But now I’ve had a taste of you, I don’t think I’m going to be able to get out of bed without my morning dose of you, Liv.”

Olivia chuckled lightly. “Well, we can’t have that. I’ve seen you when you’ve had to go without coffee, remember.” She settled her small hands on his waist and tugged gently. Rafael smiled as she rolled them over, and he settled himself on top of her.

He dipped his head and brought his lips to hers. They made love slowly and silently, their eyes, hands and mouths communicating all that was needed to be known as their bodies continued to rock against each other.

Slowly Rafael brought her to the edge of the abyss, and she found that she couldn't tear her eyes away as his expressive face registered the multitude of feelings that this intimate act brought out in him.

Her early morning orgasm was one of the sweetest and most tender that she had ever experienced. Rafael spent himself inside her body with a shudder of his hips and an open-mouthed but silent cry, and it occurred to her that not a word had been spoken during the entire duration of their lovemaking.

Rafael collapsed on the bed next to her and her hands moved through his sweat slickened hair, brushing it back off of his forehead. Olivia curled into him, her hand stroking soothingly across his back as he came back to his surroundings. The suntan he had developed from their time on the beach over the past three days had highlighted several scars on his back. She’d barely noticed them when putting the sunscreen on him the other day and assumed they were from childhood accidents. That was before he’d admitted to her that his father had been violent. Armed with that knowledge, and seeing them now, standing out against the dark skin, she knew where they had come from.

Her fingers traced one of the raised lines on his left shoulder and Rafael shivered under her touch. “That was for answering back.” His whisper was loud in the quiet darkness of the morning and Olivia continued to explore the terrain of his upper back. “I sliced it on the corner of the glass coffee table as I fell. I was lucky I didn’t smash the whole thing.”

He spoke again as she brushed two puckered lines that ran parallel to the other. She’d seen similar ones before during her time with SVU. A belt.

“That was for getting a C in gym class.”

Her hand swept slowly lower, stopping when she reached two small round welts at the top of his buttocks, which his swim shorts/trunks had hidden the other day. Cigarette burns.

“I don’t remember what they were for.”

“Rafa…” she bit her lip to hold in her emotions. The thought that anyone could do that to their child sickened her.

“It’s okay. They don’t hurt anymore.”

He pushed himself up onto his elbows and twisted onto his side. His watery eyes met her steady gaze. His face which only a few moments ago had looked so happy in the throes of passion, now looked drawn and pale as the anguish inside of him finally broached his inner defensive walls and poured out.

“It started when I was six.” His voice hitched slightly. “And it didn’t stop until I was sixteen and strong enough to hit the bastard back.” He cleared his throat several times before he could continue. “I've never been able to understand what started him off, but once he began there was no stopping him.”

Olivia opened her arms and he curled himself into them, settling his head on the cushion of her breasts. Her arms went around him in a strong embrace, and she placed a soft kiss in his hair.

“Sometimes he would hit me for the smallest of reasons. Sometimes for no reason at all... Most of the time he was drunk, but that didn’t help me work out any pattern to his behaviour.”

He proceeded to tell her in excruciating detail about the torturous decade he had spent at the hands of his violent father. How he’d once been beaten so severely that he had peed blood for days. And that rather than waiting for his father to decide when the beatings would take place, a young Rafael had goaded him into lashing out.

“That way I at least felt a little in control of the situation,” he admitted.

Olivia was incensed at the way Rafael had been treated by his father and by the hospitals’ total lack of investigation into the boy’s constant trips to the ER. She knew it was a different time, but she couldn't bring herself to believe that the doctors and nurses were so naive that they had no idea what was taking place in the Barba household. No, she decided that it was more likely that they decided to turn a blind eye to what was truly going on.

Silent tears coursed down her face as she listened to her best friend, now her lover, divulge the deepest, darkest secrets of his childhood. She that she had never known existed until now. She knew what a courageous act it was for Rafael to confide in her and she held him tightly as he continued to relate this sad and dark episode of his life.

“What about your mom?” Olivia asked. The few times she’d met Lucia Barba, she’d struck Olivia as a strong, independent woman, but Olivia knew that anyone could become trapped in an abusive relationship.

“She did her best to shield me but… he beat her too. As I got older, I tried to take the brunt of it, y’know… protect her. Sometimes I was more successful than others. You and I both know how hard it can be for…” he swallowed, “…victims of domestic violence to leave their partners. It was even harder then.” He shrugged. “She was a woman of her time, Liv.”

Rafael took a deep breath, gathering his thoughts before recounting how the years of abuse came to an end.

“When I was sixteen, he hit me one time too many and I retaliated. I punched him back and the sonofabitch landed smack on his ass on the floor. He never laid a finger on me after that, I guess he figured I could take him down if I really wanted to. He wasn’t as bad with Mami either after that… Two years later I got my scholarship to Harvard. I didn’t go home again until after he died.”

Even though the physical abuse tapered off after Rafael retaliated, his mother had still lived in fear. In Rafael’s opinion, his father’s death had been the best thing to happen to her; she’d grown more in the last seventeen years than she ever had while being with him.

He recalled how he’d spent his vacations at his grandmother’s, refusing to set foot in the apartment that held so many memories. He saw his father sporadically – when his attendance was required at religious holidays and family celebrations. But the man was different when other people were around; all smiles and charms – no one suspected anything. He told Olivia how he thought his grandmother did though– she hadn’t batted an eyelid when he’d turned up on her doorstep that first Christmas break. He hadn’t planned on going there but the closer the train had got to New York, the stronger the fear had become. In the end, he just couldn’t bring himself to climb the stairs – he’d stood on that snow-covered sidewalk, staring at the door for a good hour, only leaving when the cold had seeped through his gloves so much so that he could no longer feel his fingers. He considered dropping in on Eddie or Alex, he was sure either their families would welcome him with open arms, but he chose his grandmother instead, needing the safety and security he’d always felt in her presence.

Olivia’s throat was constricted with her tears and she couldn't form a word of comfort to say to her lover. She rolled them over so that Rafael was flat on his back. His eyes widened as he saw the tears that pooled in her brown eyes and the tear tracks that ran down her face. He reached a hand out to brush away the tears, but she intercepted it and shook her head silently.

She pressed his hand to her lips and kissed his fingers lovingly. She may not have been able to tell him what she was feeling but she was determined to show him. Her kisses continued to fall upon his prone body. Over his face and chin, down his neck and across his chest. When he reached for her and pulled her toward him to claim her lips, she stilled his actions again with an adamant shake of her head.

This was going to be for him. Finally, he seemed to understand that, and he nodded briefly before lowering himself back onto the bed. She made love to him. First with her hands and mouth upon his straining flesh and then with her warm welcoming body as she sheathed him deep inside her. She rode him slowly, building up the tension and passion until it became unbearable and he climaxed on a hoarse cry, shuddering uncontrollably inside her.

She didn't follow him over the edge, and she hoped that she was able to show him how much she loved him in the action she had taken and her willingness to forego her own release.

When it was over, he pulled her to him and held her tightly in his embrace. He dropped kisses into her hair and ran one hand smoothly over her back. He pulled back to look at her for a long time and she saw wonder shining from his eyes.

“God, I love you,” he said softly as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead, the words leaving his mouth unbidden. His breath hitched as he realised what he’d said. “Liv, I…”

She reached up and silenced him with a finger to his lips. “Don’t.”

“Don’t?”

She shook her head lightly. “You were going to apologise. Don’t.”

“But…”

“Rafa. It’s okay. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not too soon.”

“It’s… it’s not?”

No, because if it was…” She paused, making sure she had his full attention. “…if it was, then I wouldn’t be able to tell you that I love you too.”

Hearing her repeat the words relaxed him and they lay there for a few moments, savouring the moment until they heard the tell-tale sound of Noah calling out for Olivia. They scrambled for some clothes; her for her top and him for his boxers as they heard his door open down the hall. As they recovered themselves with the sheet, Olivia was grateful Rafael had insisted she have the room further down the hall as it bought them a few more seconds before Noah burst in.

“Momma, I’m hungry. Can we have pa–“ The boy stopped as he noticed Rafael. “Oh. Hi Uncle Rafa.”

“Morning _amigo_ ,” Rafael replied, as the little boy clambered up onto the bed to give his mom a morning hug. He wasn’t sure how to address the fact that he was in Olivia’s bed, or if he should address it with the boy at all.

“Morning sweet boy.” Olivia pulled him onto her lap and cuddled him, burying her face in his curls. “Did you have a good sleep?”

Noah nodded and, recalling his own traumatic night the previous day, looked between the two adults. “Did you have a bad dream Momma? Is that why Uncle Rafa is in your bed?”


	10. Chapter 10

“There it is! Come on!” Noah cheered, grabbing Olivia’s hand and pulling her toward the Ferris Wheel, leaving Rafael to jog behind. “Three tickets please,” he announced to the man in the ticket booth.

Both Olivia and Rafael reached for money as the attendant handed the tickets to Noah. The race to pay for things had become something of a game over the past few days and, although they had been evenly matched, Rafael easily won this round as Olivia was distracted making sure Noah didn’t drop the tickets. There was a short line, but it moved relatively quickly. It was only when they reached the front that Olivia realized what a huge mistake she’d made in agreeing to this. Up close, the Ferris wheel looked ten times taller and, with only a metal bar stopping her from falling to her death, she swallowed hard. It wasn't that she was scared of heights, she just had a very healthy and reasonable desire to stay on the ground. She looked at Noah and saw how excited he was, then at Rafa whose eyes were lit up as he watched the wheel spin round and she couldn’t bring herself to tell them.

"Next!" The ride attendant called. He was a teenage kid who looked like he would rather be anywhere else. ‘ _You and me both,’_ thought Olivia. Noah practically jumped into the car as soon as the teenager opened the door and Rafael followed. Olivia nervously got in after them and if she sat a little closer to Rafael than was necessary or refused to relinquish her death grip on the very small metal bar then that was just a coincidence. The ride jerked forward as it hiked them slowly up into the sky and Olivia swallowed a gasp, squeezing the bar that much tighter.

“This is so cool!” Noah exclaimed, full of awe. He was leant forward, one arm leaning on the safety rail and his other hanging off the side of the car. Olivia’s heart rate sped up just looking at him, one wrong move and he would probably just slip right out of the car. “Look, Momma!”

"Hmmm." Olivia agreed quickly without opening her mouth, looking anywhere but down.

“Look at the ocean! You can see everything! A boat! Oh, a seagull,” he gasped as one flew past their car. He was rambling off everything he was seeing, and Rafael was joining in. Olivia had to admit it was beautiful, it was just hard to enjoy it when all she could focus on was all the ways she could possibly die. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath through her nose and exhaled slowly through her mouth.

“The view is amazing, huh Liv?” commented Rafael, glancing over at her. He was surprised to see her holding tightly to the safety rail – her knuckles almost white – with her eyes closed. “Liv, you okay?” he asked, touching her arm.

She jumped at the contact, opening her eyes for a second before quickly squeezing them shut again upon remembering how high up they were.  

Rafael gave her shoulder a light squeeze. “You know there’s nothing to be afraid of, right? It’s almost impossible for this carriage to fall off.”

“Al-almost?”

“Well, nothing is completely safe. I mean-”

She opened her eyes to glare at him. “You’re not helping, Rafa!”

Ever since Olivia could remember she'd been wary of heights. There was no specific reason that she could tell; it was just a thing she’d dealt with most of her life _. If humans were supposed to be that high, they would have wings_. She wasn’t afraid of flying, but being out in the open like this, at altitude, no thank you.

“Sorry. Y’know-”

Suddenly, the ride jerked and came to a halt, the sudden stop caused the carts to sway and Olivia to gasp and squeeze her eyes shut once more.

Rafael glanced down. “It’s okay, Liv. They’re just letting some more people on.” He paused for a minute, "Do you trust me?"

"Always."

“Well believe me when I tell you nothing is going to happen. You’re perfectly safe. Focus on my voice and take deep breaths. Okay, ready, in and out. Good! Okay in and back out."

Noah, who was oblivious to his mother’s fear, looked around, eyes wide as he took in the view. “Look, that’s our house.” He pointed to the blue-cladded property where they were staying – the twin dolphin weathervane standing proudly atop it – and kicked his legs excitedly.

Noah’s kicking caused the cart to sway again and the colour to drain from Olivia’s face.

"Hey, you're okay." Rafael wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

His warm breath against her neck sent shivers down her spine. She buried her face deeper into his body, inhaling the calming scent of his cologne. “Make it stop swaying,” she whispered, pleadingly.

“Okay,” Rafael said before addressing Noah. “Try to sit still, _mijo_ ,” he instructed. “I know you don’t mean to, but you’re shaking the car and it’s making your mom feel a little sick up here.”

Noah looked up at his mom. “Sorry, Momma.”

Olivia forced herself to open her eyes and look at her son. “It’s okay, sweet boy,” she assured, managing a small smile. Just try and stay still like Uncle Rafa said.”

Noah did sit still and for the rest of the ride, Rafael kept his arm secured around Olivia, drawing soothing circles on her arm and whispering softly in her ear. He even convinced her to open her eyes for a few minutes on the way down, so she could take in the view.

Feeling much calmer now, Olivia let go of Rafael’s hand and reached up to cup his cheek. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied, leaning in to capture her lips with his for a gentle, loving kiss.

* * *

“Why didn’t you say you were afraid of heights?” Rafael asked, his arm around her as they leant on the railing watching Noah tackle the _Coconut Tree Climb_. “I would have taken him on the Ferris wheel by myself.”

“I just didn’t want to disappoint Noah… or you,” she added quietly.

He shook his head. “Never.”

She scoffed lightly and he glanced over at her. “Okay, what’s this really about?”

“I know you don’t like hearing about Tucker – and I don’t blame you – but when we were in Paris, he surprised me with tickets for us to go up the Eiffel Tower and when I tried to explain he…” she searched for the right word… “…well, I could tell he was frustrated with me. In the end, he went up by himself. Noah had really wanted to go up and was willing to go with him, which surprised me, but Ed was reluctant to take him on his own. It put a downer on the rest of the trip, and I didn’t want that to happen with you.”

Letting his arm drop from around her, Rafael turned his body toward her and reached for her hands, gently tugging on them, until she was facing him.

“Liv, I would never ask you to do anything you were uncomfortable with.” His thumbs ghosted over the back of her hands. “I want us both to enjoy this trip.”

“I have, Rafa. This has been the best vacation I’ve had in a while. And I guess the Ferris wheel wasn’t so bad, in the end.”  Nothing about sitting in Rafael’s arms could be bad, not even when they were high up. “I’m sorry if I ruined it for you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Sitting there holding you in my arms… yeah, I can’t think of a worse way to spend my time,” he deadpanned, earning him a swat to the chest.

“Momma! Uncle Rafa! I did it!”

They looked over to see Noah standing proudly at the top of the climbing frame. The boy and girl he was ‘racing’ against were a bit older than him and had made it to the top quicker, but Noah didn’t seem to mind, happy to have made it to the top.

Olivia began clapping and Rafael cheered, “Well done, _mijo_!”

As the attendant helped Noah get down and out of his harness, Rafael moved toward the gate to collect him but stopped as he realised Olivia wasn’t following him. He turned back and found her looking at him oddly.

“What?” he asked, brow furrowed.

“You… you called him ‘son’.”

“I…” Rafael’s eyes widened as he realised the word had slipped unbidden from his lips. He swallowed past a suddenly dry throat, inwardly cursing his runaway mouth. “Look… It’s just a term of endearment. It… it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Except, his wide eyes and the way he was stumbling over his words told Olivia otherwise. Slowly, her eyes never leaving his, she closed the gap between them. When she reached him, she took his hand, sweeping her thumb across his knuckles.

“Or it could mean everything.”

It was crazy really. They’d not even been together 48 hours, but she knew that Rafael, that this relationship, was long-term. She couldn’t explain it – maybe it was the intensity of her feelings, maybe it was the years of friendship they were building on – she couldn’t say, but she was certain there was no one else for her, or Noah.

A relieved, bashful smile spread across his face. “Yeah?”

Returning his smile, she nodded. “I know it’s still early days, but I think this,” she waved a hand between them, “is going to last.”

He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her waist and she rested hers on his shoulders, clasping her hands together behind his neck. He leant in, ghosting his lips across hers.

“Me too.”

Olivia’s smile grew wider, even as she glanced over his shoulder to check on Noah. He was stood at the ticket booth, waiting on his certificate of completion

“What is it?” Rafael asked, sensing her preoccupation.

“Could we maybe hold off on telling Noah anything? Just until we’ve had a chance to talk properly?”

“Of course. Whatever you want. I’ve never dated anyone who’s had kids before, so I’m happy to follow your lead.”

“Thanks. I just want us both to be on the same page before we-”

“Momma! Uncle Rafa! I got to the top! Did you see?” Noah bounded toward them.

“I did, sweet boy. You were fantastic.”

He thrust a piece of paper under her nose. “I got a ’tificate.”

Olivia took it from him and after reading it, passed it to Rafael.

He smiled proudly as he read it. “That’s great, _mijo_ ,” he praised, ruffling the boy’s hair.

* * *

 

Later that night, Rafael was on bedtime story duty again. Olivia had told him he didn’t have to pander to Noah’s wishes, but he had insisted it was fine. In truth, he enjoyed it and found himself looking forward to the time he and Noah spent together at bedtime.

He’d realised this one evening back in late January when he was at Olivia’s prepping for a case. He’d arrived early, thinking he could read to Noah if the boy wanted, only to find that he was at a sleep-over at Amanda’s. She’d taken him and Jesse to the park and they’d both crashed out when they got back to her apartment, so she’d told Liv to let him stay over and collect him the next day. The disappointment Rafael had felt upon finding out that he wouldn’t get to read to Noah had floored him. He’d never considered himself ‘good with kids’ but Noah had quickly, and rather inexplicably, become attached to him, and Rafael didn’t have the heart to rebuff him, so he just went with it, stumbling his way through. He hadn’t realised how much he looked forward to spending time with Noah, framing instead as something he did for the little boy, rather than himself.

That night had been a turning point, not only in his relationship with Noah – where he stopped holding back so much – but with Olivia too. She was single again – after breaking up with Tucker a couple of weeks earlier – and realising he could spend time with her son and enjoy it, he allowed himself to give in a little to the feelings he had for her. He allowed himself to imagine, on those dark, lonely nights, a future where they were together, the three of them as a family. 

“Uncle Rafa?” Noah asked he snuggled down in the covers after Rafael finished the final page of The Hungry Caterpillar. The book had been a great success when they’d finally gotten around to reading it – Noah enjoyed counting the different foods and marvelling at how a small caterpillar could eat so much - and this was the third time the story had made it into the selection for bedtime.  

“Mmm?” Rafael asked, closing the book

“This has been the bestest vacation ever.”

Rafael smiled. He was sure the boy was going through a ‘best ever’ phase – he seemed to be applying that expression to a lot of things “I’m glad you’ve had fun.”

The boy nodded sleepily. “Imma miss you when we go home.”

Noah’s words brought a lump to Rafael’s throat. He hadn’t really thought about what would happen after their trip. Before he and Olivia had confessed their feelings, they would have just gone back to their previous routine, but now… It wasn’t just about sleeping with Olivia – although he wasn’t sure he would sleep as deeply without her in his arms, even if they’d only done that for one night – not having Noah around was going to be difficult too. He’d gotten used to their nightly routine as well as the boy crawling on to his lap whenever he felt like a quick cuddle. He’d also miss the random directions conversations could take with a four-year-old. Never before had Rafael realised dinosaurs, coffee and baseball could be linked together in conversation, but Noah had done just that.

“Me too, but we’ve still got one more day.” _‘And two full nights,’_ he added to himself. Although he and Olivia were yet to talk about their sleeping arrangements for the rest of the trip. Was he making assumptions? Olivia may want to sleep alone, if for no other reason than to avoid another awkward morning encounter with Noah.

“Will you still come over and do bedtime?”

“Of course I will.”

“More than before?”

Rafael caught movement out of the corner of his eye and glanced behind him to see Olivia stood in the doorway. He gave a small shrug indicating he wasn’t sure how to respond to her son. He’d told her he’d follow her lead and he didn’t want to promise Noah something that he couldn’t deliver.”

She stepped into the room and put her hand on Rafael’s shoulder. “I’m sure Uncle Rafa and I can sort something out. Now, close your eyes.”

Noah dutifully obeyed his mother, and Rafael and brushed the curls from his face and kissed him on the forehead. “ _Buenas noches, mijo. Dulces sueños.”_

“ _Noche_ Uncle Rafa,” the boy murmured.

Rafael stood from the bed and waited in the doorway as Olivia took her turn tucking Noah in. He smiled as he watched the two of them, Olivia really was the best mother he knew. She may not have had a child by conventional, biological methods, but there was no denying she loved her son. And Noah returned that love. Rafael considered himself privileged to be a small part of their story.

As Olivia stood, Rafael backed out of the room and waited for her in the hallway. She followed him, quietly closing the door all but fully – to allow the light from the hall into his room.

“Sorry about that,” she nodded back to Noah’s room, “once we’re home and he’s back in his routine, I’m sure that he’ll-”

“Forget all about me?” he smirked.

Olivia scoffed. “Hardly. You are pretty unforgettable. I just meant he’ll adjust to you not being around as much. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be there all the time.”

“What if I want to be?”

She stared; mouth slightly agape.

“Did you forget the conversation we had...” he looked at his watch… “not two hours ago on the pier?”

“No, but we haven’t talked about what that means in terms of Noah. I didn’t want to assume...”

Rafael closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms lightly around her waist, interlocking his fingers at the small of her back. “Well, let me be clear. I love Noah as much as I love you and I want to be in his life as much as possible, in as many ways as you, and he, want me. If that means coming over for bedtime every night, I’ll be there. If it means parent-teacher conferences or freezing cold winter days in the park, I’ll be there for those too.”

“What about little league? Father-son softball?” Olivia teased. He’d never made a secret of his experience of the game as a child, not with her. “Or y’know, _the talk_?”

He knew she was teasing but he needed her to understand that he was serious. He moved his hands to clasp hers and nodded. “And driving lessons, graduation, college applications… whatever. I’m all in – if you want me to be.” He understood what it was not to have a supportive father. His hadn’t been around for him growing up – except to use as a punching bag – and he was determined to be a better father-figure to Noah, whether the boy ended up calling him ‘Dad’ or not.

Olivia pulled her hands from his and reached up to cup his face, smiling at him with watery eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?”

Rafael shrugged. “Must have been something awful,” he deadpanned.

She shook her head. “I’m serious, Rafa. You are a wonderful, wonderful man and I love you for it.” She placed a soft, gentle, lingering kiss on his lips. His eyes fluttered closed and his hands found her waist, pulling her closer as he returned the kiss. They stood there, lip-locked, basking in their newfound happiness for a few moments until Olivia pulled away, stifling a yawn.

She ducked her head to his shoulder. “Sorry. It’s the sea air, it always tires me out.”

He lifted a hand and tucked an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “You should get some sleep – we’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

She smiled. “It’ll be worth it. Noah’s going to love it – he’s been desperate to see dolphins since he found out the name of the house.”

“I hope so.” It was one last surprise, a dolphin-spotting cruise. There were no guarantees you’d see them – something they would have to make clear to Noah – but the earlier you went out, the higher the chances, so they were booked on the first sailing of the day.

With a peck to his lips, she stepped out of his embrace and headed down the hall to her room. Halfway there she turned back, a frown on her face. “Are you not joining me?”

“This time it was me who didn’t want to assume,” he admitted, his trademark half-smile adorning his face.

“That’s… admirable, chivalrous even,” Olivia replied, tilting her head. Slowly, she took a couple of steps back towards him and reached for his hand. “But we’re together now, you’re allowed to assume. Besides, I slept better last night than I have in a long time. If you think I’m giving that up, you can think again.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, so you’re using me? I understand.”

She smirked, “Have any objections, counsellor?”

He shook his head. “Use away,” he offered and followed as she tugged on his hand and led him to her room.


End file.
